Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Only for people who deal with ADHD please...I am getting frustrated. How do you deal with husband with ADHD?

He has an issue of not recalling important things that he has done and said and insists he doesn't remember. He also jumps from topic to topic without resolving the first issues addressed. Its like going in circles with him? He has been on ritalin but not regularly. And sleep deprivation seems to have aggravated the issue. What can I do?Only for people who deal with ADHD please...I am getting frustrated. How do you deal with husband with ADHD?
Tori, I have lots and lots of empathy for you. I guess that helps only if knowing that there are others in a similar situation. My situation actually improved when my wife was properly diagnosed with ADHD a few months ago...after 8 years of being misdiagnosed for various depression, bi-polar and even borderline personality disorder. Worse was that the medication prescribed for the wrong diagnosis, actually contributed all the serious adverse side-effects and fueled manic behaviour with none of the intended benefits or controls--the exception being they eased her intense headaches. I guess the real message there is that your husband get a few other psychiatric opinions for both his diagnosis and his medication. A huge factor with my wife's improved condition is that she finally found a competent psychiatrist. If your husband's doctor is not specifically recognized for work with ADHD...that can be a problem. She is taking Vyvanse and Provigil. The combination and dosages are very important to her.





Now, as far as retaining your own sanity through this, talking with others like ';us'; is very helpful, but not all that easy to find. My wife belongs to a support group called Daily Strength, which does have some pros, but I also have some cautions about sites like that ...they sometimes provide peer-help that is very helpful, but it is also a feeding ground for being a social-connection site. I joined the group to find my own support network, but was very disappointed. I would be particularly concerned about your husband being on sites like this if he is inconsistent with his medication. btw, it seems to me that his being inconsistent with the ritalin is an indication of something else going on? Again, that would be another reason for second/third opinions. Of course, he has to WANT to do this or ....well...what can I say.





People with ADHD are characteristically intelligent. good new/bad news deal there.... one of the manifestations of the disorder I've had to deal with is living with lies. By the time my wife's condition hit a critical nerve in our relationship, the accumulation of lies, big %26amp; small, began to unravel...and so did she...and then I did. Fortunately, we love each other deeply and have mutually dug as deep as possible. Impossible to do if it is a one-sided effort. Turns out that unraveling all the lies was like taking all kinds of monkeys off her back. Then, with the right doc %26amp; medications, she became a whole new woman. Actually, she began returning to the woman I married and fell in love with. I could see that, but for her it has been like waking up from a coma and not knowing who she is or how she is ';supposed'; to act or think.





I think it has been important that I am able to put my own feelings aside so I can better understand her. That isn't always easy as I'm sure you know. It can be frustrating to deal with, but step one is to realize that we are talking about recognized mental disorder and medicated solutions. I can imagine similar frustration for somebody caring for any sick or infirmed person. It can be work and sometimes the working motto is: ';no good deed goes unpunished';. I reckon this is why ';we'; need the occasional support of others.





Feel free to message or IM me if I can be of any more help. My wife thinks that our talking over the past 5 months has done more to uncover stuff than 8 years with her previous psych. That all came out of hours of patience, listening and mutual cooperation.





best of luck to both of you!Only for people who deal with ADHD please...I am getting frustrated. How do you deal with husband with ADHD?
I can see me and him are in the same boat. I am ADHD myself. The things you have stated are things that I do constantly. In all honesty, I do not try to, it just happens, however, I have been working at ways to stop doing some of the things and been successful. As for jumping topic to topic, you just need to reaffirm the topic at hand, just bring it back up and hopefully he will engage, and if not, try to lead him back to it, it may be ';going in circles'; but the intent in my mind when this happens is that I see something somehow related to what is being stated so I will talk about that for a while before reverting to the topic that is actually at hand. As for not recalling important things, that is just plain and simple, people that are ADHD have really hard times focusing, when you say something, and if it is important be sure to stress it greatly. I do not mean badger him about it, but make sure it is understood that what is going on means something to you/is important that he does it so that he will. If I can point this out also, I am not a doctor, however, Ritalin is a crystal methamphetamine, it causes rapid changes in behavior (also note this is from first hand have had to take it). It can cause drastic changes, and it doesn't always work in a steady dose, it has its peaks and such, to address that, there is always a pattern to it, so if you could figure it out the time he is most hyper or the time he is most calm, talking to him and doing things with him will run smoother.

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