How to deal with husband gone all the time?

my husband travels for work a lot. He is in the military as been on a lot of deployments, he took these orders to be with the family more, but it seems like he is never here. I stay at home with the kids and I am very active with them. It is more at night when I tend to get stressed out. I know he is providing for our family but I get so upset when he calls me for 2 seconds to say hi and that he is going out to dinner with the guys he is traveling with. Just tonight we talked and I had to let him go because the baby was screaming and when I called him back he was at the the pool drinking a beer with his boss. I love staying home with my kids but I feel like I never get a break. I have tried to set things up with people I know to do a girls night but it seems like it never works out. It seems like every time he is done with his meetings he gets to do what ever he wants to do. I miss him so much I just feel like I am the mommy and the daddy. How do you deal with it? How to deal with husband gone all the time?
That's just not on. There is quite an imbalance here, and the scales has tipped very much in his favour. He is spending time with his mates at your expense! Speak to him firmly and strongly (without starting a fight) and tell him this is not good enough and explain why it is making you unhappy and why it's unfair. It's not fair that he's out having the time of his life while you're left at home 'holding the baby'. Stand up. Best wishes to you.How to deal with husband gone all the time?
My husband is a military man as well but he doesn't like to go out so he's usually home if he's not on deployment. He does like to stay up way later than I do which sucks but other than that at least he's home. I would thinkyour husband could watch the kids every now and then so you can have lunch with friends or go and see a movie. He should try to understand that you NEED a break.
First off you sound jealous in a couple of your comments. I would be too, but it's not a good sign...resentment. this is what you picked. You set yourself up for this. Next it sounds like he cannot change his situation so you have to change yours. If you need a break you have to find a way to get one. You need to get some fun time and drinking time and out to dinner time so you do not resent him. Find a way.
Get together with other military wives that you have some common interests and hobbies, It helps if you all have children about similar ages. I am not talking about bar hopping either! Avoid the westpac widows because they are trouble. My brother is a career Navy man and his wife handles it well by being involved with their church. I grew up in a Navy family myself.
Tough question...how does one stay happy when separated like that?!? One day at a time...but seriously...at what point does this lead to you being together? How many days/weeks/months/years? Take Care
I'm a military wife too and are dealing with the same issues. all I can say is Good Luck as i don't even have advice for myself...
You probably don't want to hear this but he doesn't miss you or the kids. Oh sure, he says he does but if he'd rather be drinking beer with his boss than talking to you or the kids then there is something wrong. I've been there where I was away with a job but every chance I had I was talking with my wife and kids and when I wasn't working I sure wasn't out partying, so that's how I know he's not missing you.





You might want to do a little snooping around and see what's really going on. Hire a babysitter for a night or two (someone you can trust) and after you talk with him for the last time in the evening, hang up and head to where he is, or better yet have him start calling your cell phone all the time, that way he won't know if you're home or not, or hire a PI if it's too far away.





Believe me, I'm not trying to cause trouble or make you doubt him but if he cared for his family, then he would do his job and go straight home to you every time. No he can't blame his boss. He is responsible for his own actions. Best wishes. I hope it turns out well.
How about asking hubby to set one night a month out just for you and him. I mean go out on a date. No kids, just the two of you for a whole night out. Motel too if you want., Second, have hubby set a night twice a month out for him to take care of the kids so that you can have a night out. If he doesn't want to do that, then your right....he wants to do his thing and say...I'm married with kids...big talk...no action
I know exactly how you feel, and there are a million women who feel just like you. My husband is in his 16th year active duty, and for the past three years he was gone for 9-10 months a year. It's hard, but with him gone, you need to make it work. Get yourself on a schedule. Find a babysitter. Most Red Cross offices have a list of babysitters that have been through classes with basic life saving skills. Don't forget about your husbands command Ombudsman. If you need help with anything, even finding a babysitter, they are there to help. Pick a day out of the week and have that be your day. When your husband gets home, make sure he adapts to your schedule, and your day off. I know it seems like he's having the time of his life. Trust me, when your husband calls in Jan and he's sitting on a Carribbean Island drinking beer by the perfectly warm ocean and your freezing your butt off in negative temps, it seems like a vacation, but it's really not. There is pressure on them to do things as a group and stay busy. Deployed groups, wherever they go, have a tendancy to become depressed. If he has a laptop with him, both of you go online and download Skype. It is a free site (started for specifically for military families to stay in touch) that with a webcam and some speakers you can sit and talk and see him. Set a time after the kids are in bed and talk. Keep talking. Tell him your frusterations so he'll be aware of them when he gets home and he'll know where to start pitching in. It does get better, I promise. Hang in there, your tougher than you think you are, then again, ALL military wives are :)
What I have done is make arrangements with my parents or his parents to keep the kids for one day and night and even if my girlfriends can't do anything with me I do things by myself like going to a Non PG-13 movie. Or a museum that I don't have to rush through. I enjoy time by myself. There are times when my neighbor and I go out for dinner and her husband babysits for us (also military). It actually helped living in a military community. I know is hard sometimes and missing your partner doesn't get easier. Make sure he knows how bad you miss him and you wish you could do things for yourself. Maybe you can ask your husband to take some leave and spend time together only the both of you. Don't stop doing things you like because you will really drive yourself crazy. Take your kids to a daycare for a few hours to do things you like to keep your sanity. The military has resources contact an ombudsman I am sure they'll give a lead.





Good luck to you.
It can be very difficult sometimes.My hubby is a truck driver so I do know how you feel.You have to keep telling yourself that he is working hard to support his family.And I am sure he misses y'all dearly.But you need to make time for yourself in the meantime.Whether a bubble bath after kids go to bed or get a babysitter for an hour or two to get a pedi done.And I am also a SAHM and it feels as though I am mommy and daddy too.It gets sooooo overwhelming at times.But in the end I would have it no other way.Maybe get out with kids and do the playgroup thing or go to MEETUP.COM for your area and they have cool things to do.
my first suggestion is pray and ask God to continue to help you be there for you kids cause no matter what your husband does they will remember you being their with them and doing things with them and that is very important. Secondly try to reconnect with the things you like to do...a hobby or even a special class or something you always wanted to take and engage in it full force so that there is something that you do that is totally for yourself and replenishes everything you are always giving back. You don't a girls night out to have fun...you just need one good close frien and you and her get a babysitter and go somewhere fun. Join a fun group that does group activities so that you don't feel like all your time is spent being mommy. Your husband will notice the change in your new activites and trust me even though time with the boys or on the road is fun he won't be able to help feeling left out of your new found activities. You sound like a wonderful and strong woman...my prayers go out to you.
You sound like you are jealous of him. When you say he ';gets to do what ever he wants to do'; - well if he is out of town anyways he will not be there to help you so shouldn't you be GLAD that he has some free time. Instead you view it as you ';never get a break'; so why should he get one...that is not healthy thinking.





You guys have set your roles. You both have jobs. His is out of town and yours is at home. Sometimes his will be more demanding and sometimes your will be. There are probably A LOT of hassles associated with his travel schedule that you do not see....just as he does not see when the baby is having a meltdown. But stop the comparison game of who does more or gets more breaks. Do your job as best you can and if you need help hire a sitter a couple times a week. Your sanity is worth the price and it may stop you from directing this frustration at your spouse.