How do I deal with my husband always yelling at me, calling me ignorant and telling me ';f**k you';?

I'm really tired of this situation... I don't know if I should try to work on the marriage or just leave... It won't be easy to leave him cause I work for his mom, and I'm sure if I leave him she'll fire me.


She always says that I should just ';ignore him';, cause he has a brain injury and that's why he treats me like that...


How do I deal with my husband always yelling at me, calling me ignorant and telling me ';f**k you';?
Don't deal with it. If you can't leave then just be super aloof. Don't wait for the happy moments, if he wants to be a jerk then there are consequences. Treat him the way he is treating you and see how he likes it.





There is no good way to justify the behavior, all you can do is change the way it makes you feel. If you don't get upset, then he still owns that anger. Let him have it.





Good luckHow do I deal with my husband always yelling at me, calling me ignorant and telling me ';f**k you';?
is his behavior really because of a brain injury or is this just his excuse?





meaning did the brain injury really cause him to have no self control, like a stroke victim or was he like this before the injury? Exactly how bad was the injury.





Did he have the injury before you married him or did he aquire the injury after you married him?





Does he contribute other things to your life together?





Normally I would say dump an abusive spouse, but you have other things to consider here.





If he is verbally abusive because of the injury then it's not his fault and while you don't ignore it, you don't take it personally. You have to develop a different frame of mind when dealing with his outbursts. If the outbursts are really not his fault then inside he's cringing as much as you are over what he's done, he just can't tell you. In that case, when he has an outburst, you become very quiet-do not react and in a calm even voice, you tell him ';I know you didn't mean what you just said and you can't help it but that is still not appropriate behavior. I'm going to leave the room until you can calm down and get control of yourself and then we'll talk again.'; This type of outburst will come out of the blue for no apparent reason or because he's become frustrated at not being able to communicate something to you or someone else.





If he is only this way with you, then he has control and this is him being abusive to you and not about his injury.





If he's physically abusive, regardles of any injury, you do not stay because it is not safe.





the reason I asked if he had the injury before you were married is because if he did then you volunteered for this and should have researched his injury and the type of problems you could have because of it before you married him to help you decide if this was the kind of drama you wanted to introduce into your life and deal with everyday forever.





If the injury happened after you were married then as a loving spouse, you owe it to him to learn all you can about helping him deal with his injury and so that you are better prepared to handle what happens. Caretaker support groups are something you should look into and check out support groups for people with brain injuries.





If he's always been like this then it has nothing to do with his brain injury and you get to decide how much you're willing to put up with before you leave.





and if the problem is because of the brain injury and even after trying to learn to deal with it and arrange your lives around his injury you find that you just can't take the verbal abuse, then I really can't blame you if you decide to leave.





the main thing is, you show compassion and tolerance when the problem is beyond his control but you hold him accountable for his behavior if he can control it.





If you do leave then you should line up another job. I recommend that you do that even if you stay. I admit that I have a phobia about family getting too up in my personal business and would be very uncomfortable working for family or in laws. I have found that they come to expect more out of you than other employees and will often take advantage of your time--for example you may wind up working unpaid OT where another employee would be paid (very illegal).
Brain injury or not...you are not meant to be abused in this world. That was not God's intentions for your life, nor yours. Well, you have a choice to ignore him 'while training him'. That means that you give him the silent treatment for 2-3 days...as long as you can...just stop being in his life for a while and when you feel like talking tell him that he has been so mean that you 'fear' what else he may do to you and you are just waiting to see if he will hit you next. The longer you are silent...the more it sinks into him that you are serious. Screaming, shouting, arguing are not effective means to make someone realize you are serious about what you are saying. That is why ';Silence is Golden.'; Abuse is abuse....no matter what form it takes.





The 2nd choice is to find another job and then plan to leave him....say nothing to his family or friends--just plan and execute one day out of the blue...don't even leave a note...he will figure it out. He may have brain injuries; however, he is not brain dead. You, on the other hand, will have mental injuries if you continue to allow yourself to be abused. Good luck with common sense.
I am sorry that your husband has a brain injury, it must be really hard on you. Ask him if he is willing to read one book for you. I suggest this because I have just got done reading the book that I think will save my marriage. Maybe it will work for the two of you. It is called The Five Love Languages by DR. Gary Chapman.I know I have suggested this book to alot of people but trust me, it could help alot of people if they only took the time to read it.
Personally I would divorce him. You need to figure out if he makes you happy. I was in a relationship like this and it took me a long time to get over the emotional abuse. To this day I still have a hard time communicating to my current husband it has been 6 years since our divorce. I would start looking for a new job now and think about why he gets mad. Maybe you can get a new job before you leave him so you wouldn't have to worry about that part.
Verbal abuse is still abuse. No one should put up with abuse of any kind. If talking to him or trying to get him help doesn't help. You need to get out of this situation. I understand that you work for his mom, so maybe you should start looking for something else. And for his mom telling you to ignore him, that would be HIS mom talking, not your mom. I'm sure your mom would tell you that you are worth more than this and that you shouldn't' put up with abuse
Tell him the f**k off ! Obviously, he has totally no respect for you or he wouldn't treat you this way. Brain injury or not he's a azzhole. You could do so much better. I say leave him and go to a family member or a friend's house. Forget the job you will find another one , you don't need to put up with mistreatment from anybody.
Ok just think about the fact that just because he has a brain injury doesnt mean he dont know what he's doing isnt wrong. he more than likely is trying to see what will happen if he acts that way. best thing to do is let him know how you feel then if he doesnt stop then LEAVE you can always get another job but you shouldnt have to deal with your spouse treating yo like that
Well does he have a brain injury that is documented that you are aware of.





If he has no medical excuse there is no excuse for it. You deserve better leave as quickly as possible. You'll find another job.





Day to day life is meant to be filled with peace, and the part that you have direct control over you need to control.
I would express to him how you feel. Then turn it around and make him really understand. A lot of times guys dont realize that what they say isn't funny and it isnt no big deal. I usually say something like ';How would you feel if you were me? You wouldn't like it if i called you ignorant and told you to **** off right? So why would you do it to me. It hurts my feelings because i'm not dumb, and you know you didnt marry and ignorant person, so please stop saying that to me.';





If he doesnt stop even after you tell him how you feel, i would seriously consider leaving. You deserve to be treated with respect and love... When he said his vows to you he promised that. As for his mom, you can find another job, i'm sure of it. Or just tell him, if this behavior doesnt stop we're going to have to seriously reconsider our relationship and where we stand.





Hope this helps,


Rachel
First of all, does he have any positivity in your life?





Second, why does he get angry? Maybe you can try to resolve the situation before he gets mad. And remember.. men don't do small talk with women they always perceive you ';sharing'; as you asking them to resolve issues. Just a thought if that is a contributing factor.
..why did you marry this man in the first place?


If the brain injury came after the marriage then he's obviously not the same person you married.


Tell him mom to STFU and mind her own business. She's not the one getting verbally abused and you shouldn't be either.


Time to go. There are other men and jobs out there.



Get another job then leave. No one should have to live under those conditions. A mother who makes excuses for it is as bad as the abuser. In times past yes women put up with this crap because they felt they had no options. Today we do. We're better prepared to take care of ourselves. We need to do it for ourselves but we need to do it for our daughters too to set an example for them. Men need to learn they can't treat women like that.
Leave, if his mom fires you for that reason you can sue her or at the very least get unemployment till you get another job. It's verbal abuse and I don't care if he has a brain injury, you don't deserve to put up with it.
Your husbands behavior is abusive! If he had a brain injury in the past then I suggest some sort of counseling for the both of you.Also he may need some kind of treatment if the injury is causing him to act that way.
it will be worthwhild to take psychological help and try to be sympathetic to him. with love and sympathy, you may bring him to normalcy. if he continues to misbehave, you may even correct him even by hard spanking.
Is it true he has a brain injury? When he says mean things immediately say in a stern voice ';that is not nice! Do not say that to me. I am your wife';


If he really has a brain injury then speak to his doctors about it.
Then Tell him to go live with his Mommy , let her take the abuse and find yourself someone who will treat you better. You deserve it.There are always other jobs. Life is short, what happens when the verbal abuse turns to physical abuse?
If he has a brain injury, then this needs to be controlled, or he needs to be on meds. I like the ';your mamma'; answer as well.
He'd have another effing brain injury if he spoke to me like that!!!





Leave him. If this is to be your life you will spend eternity in servitude. There are plenty of jobs out there. And decent men too!
I think you should try taking him to church. He might learn how to really treat his wife and maybe God will heal his brain injury.
you are as crazy as him if you're not leaving him... NOW!!! don't be part of this anymore... you always can find another job, but your dignity, there is only one!!!





leave him, please, before he goes more far!!!
You handle the situation by leaving him. And if his mom fires you then you find another job.
What would your answer be if your daughter came to you with this problem? The same answer should apply to you.
I'd have to tell him he was risking another brain injury if he didn't cut it out
Every time he says it just say ';your momma';.
uh...when you leave he will regret it...come crying saying he will get help...dont divorce...but separate for a bit and see what it does to him
you two should go and see the movie Fireproof !!!!! It could change your marriage!
the first answer is comedy lol
that sounds like a rly tough position, u have my sympathy but sadly no gd answer from me
He sounds like a loser and mommy is an enabler.... get rid of the idiot !