Friday, August 20, 2010

What is the best way to deal with my husband when he gets extremely angry and calls me unspeakable names?

The love of my life is sadly not very understanding or open-minded... especially when it comes to my past. I've always thought it is inappropriate to talk about one's sexual past, but he terrorized me into revealing it because he thought my hesitation to do so was dishonesty. So I told him, and he takes it against me. Yes, I've had a life before him, and it enrages him. He yells, throws thing, calls me a sl**, a wh***, %26amp; all sorts of things. He is the sweetest, most romantic man I've ever been with, but he is also the most cruel. He always swears he won't do it again and that he'll try to get over it, but sooner or later we he brings up my past and the rage starts all over again. The thing is, I've never cheated on him... or anyone. I was just not in a serious relationship in the past bc I knew I wasn't ready to settle down with anyone. I actually loved him enough to be in a relationship with him, and eventually to marry him. He tamed me. I always obey him and tell him where I'm at. He tried hard and won my heart. What more does he want? Why does he now treat me this way? What can I do? I try to be the bigger person by staying calm and asking him to stop, but he doesn't until much later when he suddenly turns into a sweet kitten again. What can I do when he's angry? How can I knock sense into this man?What is the best way to deal with my husband when he gets extremely angry and calls me unspeakable names?
He is not a sweet man. He is not a kind man. You are making excuses for him. If he really loved you, he wouldn't call you a whore or a slut. Divorce him now because the longer you are with him, the chances are the the emotional and verbal abuse will turn into physical. Get rid of him. What is the best way to deal with my husband when he gets extremely angry and calls me unspeakable names?
This man is using complete manipulation on you. He is trying to control you completely. His behavior is not normal. I know this advice gets used a lot but you really do need to seek some professional help with this one. Sooner or later, if this continues, the 'love of your life' is going to become, 'the bast*rd that has ruined your life.' Good luck.
he is being silly. I bet he has a past too. When he starts...interrupt him and say your being silly you know you are the only one I love. If that doesn't work, kick him between the legs. That will get his mind off the subject.LOL good luck
Socialize him, where ever you go try to make it very public and maybe he will figure out what he is doing. Have people over for dinner, late night hang-outs or what ever.



His insecurity is turning into a very unhealthy rage. Now is the time to tell him to seek counseling or face a separation until he can get himself under control. This will only get worse and more damaging.
You little love birds will NEVER be happy together. Run don't walk to the nearest lawyers office. Then you'll be needing a restraining order. Your past and his present just don't mix.
sounds like your husband is insecure--this is not your problem. You are smarter than this---its always gonna happen until you leave and see if he will get some help--real help.
Here is your relationship:


He tamed me


I always obey him





Sooner the rage ..the rage starts all over again





Leave. It will only get worse.
Tell him to get over it if he wasnt apart of your past than why should he care
Everyone has a past and I am sure he does to ask him about his
I am quite sure you did not marry a virgin...and I am very sad to repot this to you...he is an emotionally abusive man, who would do the same to any woman.





If you want to continue the abuse, stay with him because it will NEVER go away...he will always have a reason to fight you.





Your other option is to leave him...and in time, you will.....
I don't think there really is a way to make him stop. He'll probably always keep doing this, even though he says he'll stop, trust me, he won't. I've had some experience with something along the lines of this. Many people I know say that verbal abuse is much worse than physical abuse. So if you can handle his bi-polar temper then, ok, but I think the best thing is a divorce. Maybe consult with close family, but the decision is ultimately yours to make.
I would maybe suggest some marital counselling... It would help to have a mediator there control things when you both (he is not perfect %26amp; had a sexual past too) get things out in the open. It is not OK for him to be getting that angry %26amp; calling you those things, nor is it OK for you to feel that you have to be calm to try and control him going into a rage.





Truthfully, he is being emotionally %26amp; verbally abusive, even though he often acts like he got over it. You need to realize that this behavior is not acceptable.





I would not continue to let this go on for much longer, it's going to start wearing away at the both of you... especially you.
Tell him to stop what he is doing and grow up the past is the past and tell him im your now those other relationships were lessons to be learned until you were ready to settle just like a man's past is his past tell him to stop trying to be competitive with men that are now dead to you men in general want to be put on a pedistel im sure he wouldn't like it if you told him well if your so perfect what the heck did you marry me for because noone is perfect i hate men that cry and whine like that so insecure he needs to trust you more and stop being afraid to bond with you because once you get married its a relationship that need to start to bond in everything now but the past right keeing the love alive forever no outside influence and no matter what so tell him you don't have a past when you married him and tell him to stop thinking about your life and start thinking about ';OUR MARRIAGE'; good luck i have to stop now im getting upset lol
Oh my gosh, it sounds like you are on the way, if not already, in an abusive relationship. The fact that he uses the past against you, and demeans you is a controlling issue in abusive relationships. Then he rants and raves and gets you scared and submissive then apologizes is so classic. The fact that you said 'obey' is a key here. Has he hurt you?that will be next. girl, this is so classic. you need to get some help now before you get hurt!
I'm afraid this man is an abusive, controlling bully...there is nothing sweet about someone that behaves in this manner towards his wife..you will never change him , but you can do something for yourself...you can leave him and then see if that makes him realise what he is doing....but to be honest I think he is manipulating you in every possible way...and if you continue to live like this ,I can guarantee you it will only get worse, and the next step up from verbal abuse is physical abuse....ask yourself.. how can I love a man that treats me like this ? do I deserve better ? because you must realise that you do deserve so much better...and if you think you don't then sadly you are becoming as sick as this man..

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