Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How to deal with Husband?

Husband of 20+ years wants to buy a flat bed truck to haul things out to our small A frame cabin in the woods (we are remodeling, and it is not upscale by any means). I continue to try to convince him to just rent one for the short time we'd need it. He seems determined to buy it, without my acceptance. He is alternately acting excited and child-like, or agressively trying to wear me down when we talk about it (basically talking to me in a bullying manner, with bullying words). I don't know if this is a mid-life issue or what (he's 44, I'm 43). If it makes a difference, I earn a bit more than he does. The wage disparity is a topic that we never discuss, and I have avoided bringing it up, though sometimes in our battle about this I want to. We have many many other issues in our marriage, but this is one that I hope I can get immediate advice on.How to deal with Husband?
I sympathize with you.





My husband wanted to buy gutters and down spouts and put them on our house. He kept raving about how cheap they were at Home Depot. It sounded like a good idea, but our house is situated on top of our garage. No one had a super tall, sturdy ladder to borrow. So he was prepared to spend $600 on a tall sturdy ladder!





I already researched the cost to have someone install the gutters and down spouts. The cost was under $300.





You would think he would be happy that I researched it and got a low price. Of course not. He freaked out and insisted that he was going to do the gutters ($200) himself with his new ladder ($600). Total expense $800.





WTF? It took him a few weeks of wrestling with the fact that getting someone else to do it was more cost effective, and a few months to thank me for getting the quotes, phone calls, etc.





What doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Usually (I can't promise you) when you point out a cost savings, and suggest that the money you save can be spent elsewhere (on something he likes, because if it's something you like, it's a dead deal).How to deal with Husband?
tell him it will be an eye sore for many years, taking up a lot of room and he will never get back what he paid for it, he needs to sensible, he sounds immature. dont think about the fact you earn more, that will make him feel even more childlike.
Tell him if he wants to waste money on this truck, then its only fair that you get to waste money on something of similar expense. Maybe new furniture or remodeling the kitchen or something you would like.
Tell him what I tell my husband when he wants to buy something. I tell him that however much he spends, I get to go out and spend that same amount on anything I choose. That usually stops him :)
What's wrong with a truck? I think every guy wants a truck or off motor vechile or sports car...something at one point in their life.





Sit down and talk about the budget. Ask what his top 3 goals of things he'd like to buy/spend money on are. Then name your top 3 things. You then need to come to a compromise and decide how much you will save (or contribute) to each goal and how that will be achomplished.





Does he have a car now? Would he be willing to trade in his car for the truck? If not and we couldn't afford it I'd not be very supportive. If yes, then I'd be supportive because it will hold great value to him and he will take great care of it.





I don't know why you're so opposed to it. It's a truck. It's a guy thing. Sit down and go over the numbers. If you have shared fiancnes it shouldn't matter. You don't want to hold over his head that you earn more so you get a bigger pull in the decision. He is contributing to the family as well. You both should look at the budget jointly and then come to a compromise on how the funds will be saved.





Make his goals your goals and he should also be making your goals his goals. Try to make each other happy.





Good luck!
lol hi there! sounds like ur dealing with a big kid. well to be honest most men are big kids when it comes to doing something they think is a bit wreck lace but they want o do it. tell him that its only fair that you spend the same money on something you want too but that doesn't mean you should its only to make him in your position where a large amount of money is going to be spent wither he agrees or doesn't . in the argument he will probably say that there is no need for what you'll do with the money and you'll answer back with the same or he will say that its his money and he can do what ever he wills with it and again youll say the same . so this is where you'll reach a dead end there is one of 2 choices , either you both sit down and negotiate or each of you gets to do what ever he/she wants. either way your a winner because now you got money at your disposal or hes just gonna back off his idea . but you have to try to make it seem like your not winning the argument get it? just so he wouldn't get into the childish mode and just do it to win and bother you .





hope i helped let me know if you ned anything.


Peter Gabriel

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