How to deal with husband that makes a lot of mistakes?

I am lost for words because my husband (that I love very much) makes constant bad choices that our very costly for our family. And I pretty much do everything. There are some small responsibilities that I might ask my husband to take care, thinking he can do it and he fails me 85% of the time. And I can't be his momma and do everything for him, he's a grown man.





EX: I asked him to take of our car repairs. Our vehicle needs transmission work and I told my husband to call his friend who owns a repair shop. His friend is a couple of hours away, but I know we would get Discount pricing and it would be done right. But he didn't want to call his friend.


And of course he takes it to the local AAMCO shop and settles for their repair prices of $2700 to rebuild the transmission. My husband calls his friend and he said he would rebuild it for $600.00 Now AAMCO is going to charge us $600 (that we don't have) for labor cost just to get the car back.





Everything my husband touches cost hundreds more just because he never takes my advice no matter how nice I am when I bring it up.





When I tell him I'm upset that we are $600 in the whole, he tells me to get over it. With all his extra court fee's per month. I just don't know how much more I can take. How to deal with this ?How to deal with husband that makes a lot of mistakes?
Is it really right to call on friends and expect them to give discounts and do things for nearly no cost? I'd be completely broke. I often do too much as it is and it hurts my family, financially, for doing so. It causes resentment and often times i have ended friendships over it.





Your husband not wanting to ask his friends to do him a favor is thoughtful of him. You are being unreasonable to expect others to do you a favor in this way. you do need to get over it.





Sounds like it's your way or no way. He may be just as sick of you and not wanting to put up with you much longer as well. How to deal with husband that makes a lot of mistakes?
You need to be able to recognize ';mistakes'; and blatant disregard. It sounds like your husband isn't just making small mistakes, he's simply disregarding you which is a huge problem.


I don't know your husband, so I don't know how to get through to him. You need to find a way to get through to him or move on- he will run you into debt and ruin your relationship like this.
ok. if he has all these court fees that should tell u right there that he is not capable of following directions or taking advice. he needs to grow up. if u don't want anymore heart ache next time if u want it done right do it yourself. or find another husband whom u don't have to train to grow up.



I listen to my wives advice but I certainly don't always take it. He probably doesn't want to hear it from you. Give your advice without all the badgering. If he takes it good. If not and it goes badly, he knows you gave the right advice. Eventually you two will learn to trust one another.
I read somewhere that only jesus was the perfect human. So here is two pieces of solid advice that has taken me down many roads:


1. An expectation is nothing but a preconceived resentment. Stop having expectations, and you will stop being resentful.


2. Pick one and stick to it: (a). would you rather be right or (b.) would you rather be happy.
Was married to someone very similar. I had to accept that there were certain things I had to handle--ALL THINGS FINANCIAL--if I wanted them done right.





You need to pick your poison, and learn to live with it. Otherwise, you will just drive yourself crazy.
You divorce him and sue him for all he has done and all you have lost . If you are divorced you can do this . This time he will be in more than hot water . He'll sink ,jail time is where he will go now! No more miss. nice gal!
Financial difficulties and affairs are the two top reasons for divorce. You did say for richer or poorer didn't you. If you really can't handle it anymore then you need to get a divorce.
When you ask someone else to do something, you have to let them do it in the way they choose. If you don't like the way they do it, don't ask them.
what court fees? who works? if he is making the money - I guess he can do it. If you make the money tell him to get a job.
You don't love this guy--- you love to parent him. What he is and what you wish he were are two different things, if this is an example.








Get used to it honey... you will forever be his mama.
man sometimes being single is just great! These are things I dont miss about being married. He really should listen to you girl! But in most marraiges...this is what happens...complacensy, things are taken for granted...I hate this!
Separate bank accounts. If you want it done right, do it yourself. It is wrong of you to ';tell him what to do';.
Stop doing everything for him and let his world crash down around him. He'll get tired of it.
I think there are deeper problems going on here, get some counseling, or just get a divorce
Leave and do your own thing. Sadly he does sound like my son in law.
do him a favor and divorce him. you both will be happier.
The only way to deal with it is identify things that he doesn't do well, and make it your responsibility to take care of them. You can't change him, you can't make him smarter. The only thing you CAN do is stop setting high expectations - be realistic about what he can and cannot handle. Perhaps he can be in charge of things that don't have to do with finances (mowing the lawn for example), and you can be the financial mastermind of the family. Short of leaving him and finding a more responsible man to marry, I don't see what other options you have here. Being continuously disappointed in him is not sustainable in the long run. Either you learn to live with it, or it will destroy your relationship.
well, it sounds like you are pretty fed up, and about to take some action here. One, you could try just taking care of it yourself, but then that will make matters worse for you. Two, don't take care of anything, which will be a disaster, making matters worse for you.


Might I suggest trying to get to the bottom of the problem. Why exactly does your husband keep repeating bad habits? What is the underlying cause here. Does he resent being married and is being passively aggressive towards you? Try some counseling together to get to the root of this behavior problem. Good luck
I know you're going to cringe when you hear this but you'll have to handle it yourself.





You may love him dearly but its pretty clear that he can't be trusted to carry out certain assignments. I suggest you handle these on your own and leave the minion type stuff to him. You know...the ones that won't cost you a fortune or have a ripple effect (or in your case a tidal wave) that will filter down through the whole family.





I'll be the first to say my wife carries on like she knows everything. Well....surprise. She doesn't. However she comes up with a good suggestion at times and its well worth listening to. When she refuses to listen to mine (and I know its the right one because hers can be potentially fatal, metaphorically speaking) then I tell her..';Okay....do it yourself. I'm not going to be party to this';. Unless it affects the both of us. That's when the head butting begins.





And I'm the type of guy that when the bottom falls out I don't say ';I told you so';. However I find the use of a one fingered hand gesture says it all.
Sounds like he doesn't care. As long as he knows that you're going to be there to fix things for him, he's going to keep doing what he's doing. I'd start by creating a separation of sorts......get your own account and put your money in there. If you have joint credit cards, cancel them, and be sure that he doesn't order any other cards in your name. That way, you don't go into debt because of his bad decisions. Then, you have to stop fixing his problems. You may even want to suggest counseling to him so that he can figure out why he acts the way that he acts, and you may need counseling yourself to figure out why you enable his behavior.
I think money and finances are a very important- yet tricky and dangerous- topic in a marriage. You obviously have a BIG problem here...so I would ask you to consider two things...





1) Have different accounts: Your account, his account, and an ';ours'; account. That way, when he continues to make stupid mistakes, he can take the money out of HIS account. And when he runs dry (which he will, soon enough), you inform him that you are sorry BUT you cannot give him the money he needs.


Will he be angry? YES. Will he try to manipulate you and make you feel guilty? YES. But unless you start to cut off his wings, so he can ';get it';, you will continue to feel angry, used, and perhaps even lose respect for him as a man.





2) Try to convince him to go to therapy or counseling. Even if he doesn't want to admit he has a problem with money and spending, he does....so go by yourself if needed. You have to get tips on how to deal with your husband's attitude, and a professional can help you.





Good luck. This is going to be hard, so get ready for a bumpy ride.
All i can say is you picked him.





Seriously, ';With all his extra court fee's per month.'; It's not hard to tell that he's been convicted of something, and probably has been in trouble more then once. And probably even before you met him, so you knew how he was and did the typical woman thing of thinking you can fix him. Now your here crying to us because you failed to fix him.





Your only solution here is to realize the mistake you made and fix it. Dump his worthless butt on the curb and go find a worthwhile guy instead.



You have to let him make his own mistakes. I know it costs you money, but if you are constantly telling him what to do he is never going to listen to you. Let him do what he wants for a while and resist the urge to say ';I told you so.'; In time, he'll come to see on his own that your opinions are valuable.





Was it always this way? How were things when you were dating?