Need Suggestions about how to deal with husband?

I can't get my husband to share responsibilities in the home. Not the care of our 2 children , not housework , but he sure is willing to share MY MONEY. I may not make as much money as he does , but half of my total income goes into the rent. I run my own Business from home (as i did before i ever had a husband and children), Now I have 2 small children , an apartment that is too small and a husband who won;t help with anything. If he does a load of laundry , or a single load of dishes i am supposed to praise him and give thanks to him like he is a god. The Only thing he does consistently is cook dinner . WHich he likes doing , but he always leaves a huge mess. I work nonstop my Business , my kids , cleaning up after him and the kids, i never get to rest , never get to even take a walk by myself (On the weekends i ask him to watch the kids and all he does is huff and i have to worry because one kid or another gets neglected,Not fed , not changed , left alone to rifle through cabinets, he ';forgets'; to put up gates).I can't go to the store by myself. I cannot even use the bathroom with the door closed because i have to watch the kids. How do i deal with him ? WHat would you suggest ? I have tried the calm talking , i have tried the reasoning myself to believe its my place , i have tried the screaming , i have tried ignoring. I am at my wits ends and don't know what else i can do. I no longer have time for friends because i have to constantly clean everything,or watch kids , or find a way to make money for myself.I am starting to not have time for my Business because i have to take care of 2 small children on top of it all. I am exhausted nearly all the time , and when i do have energy my husband wants to go out shopping etc. which is treacherous with two kids and horridly long when i have things i would like to do. I feel like i am supposed to be a mom , housekeeper , businesswoman , personal maid , and to end it all somehow supposed to still desire relations at the end of an exhausting night. I need suggestions i would appreciate it. Need Suggestions about how to deal with husband?
If you are not getting what you want from the relationship, you might want to consider leaving, or at least telling him that unless he is willing to compromise with you on some issues you will leave.





Marriage is a partnership, and I think you need to talk about how you are splitting things. My wife and I have gone back and forth on who was making more than the other, but we put all the money together and treated it as ';ours'; not ';mine'; and ';hers.'; I think it's especially important when there are children to consider most or all of your income to go to the family and make decisions about how to spend it together, regardless of who makes more.Need Suggestions about how to deal with husband?
it's related to sex. either you're giving it to him all the time and he's spoiled, or you're not giving him enough and he's mad.





so, whatever you're doing, do the opposite.





which one is it?
Two words: Marriage counseling.
You need and deserve more help from him. I suggest a very direct approach. Tell him to help out and how to help out. Give him consequences if he doesn't. And keep your money.





If that doesn't work, counseling.
How old is your husband?
It sounds to me like you are a single mother basically. You cannot do it all. You have to also think what is the message you are giving your small children. Are you telling them that mommy has to do it all? No. A marriage is about compromise. Stop doing half of the things you do. If he leaves a huge mess after dinner then leave it. He will need to clean it up when he cooks again. Detach yourself from a certain number of your ';jobs';. Hopefully, he will take the hint.
I hate to tell you this and it is not going to make you feel any better, but...he is not ever gonna get how you feel,. I had one of those husbands and stupid me, turned around and got me another one just like I had. We never learn, do we? The husband I have now, goes to work and breaths and thats it. I work and do everything in the home. Just to get him to take out the trash and cut the grass, is a big deal. On top of all I do, I work outside the home. This man don't support me like the 1st one did, so I even have it worse this time around. I think I would be a whole lot happier if I were alone, at least then....I would only have myself to look after. All I really know for sure about all of this...he is NEVER going to change...We love 'em, but enoughs ...enoughs!!!!!!





Do you know what makes all of this so sad, they flat don't care how you feel, but at the same time, they will say they love you....MY a$$? YOU can say you love someone all day long, but until you prove it in your actions, I'm not convinced..I prove my love in everything I do for this person.., why can' t they be respectful and prove it also.
You don't sound like you want to leave him, and in order for your relationship to change, something drastic has to change in it. People get into a routine, you've allowed him to treat you this way for so long, he sees no reason to change. You can talk, scream and reason until you're blue in the face, but because there's no real consequence for him, he'll continue on, being him. Counseling will help, if he acknowledges that there's a problem, but if he doesn't, I don't see how it will do any good. You know what choices you have to make and, you have to figure if somethings are worth it. You can leave him, but you'll be in a worse situation than you are in now, you will be the single parent doing everything, including the cooking, but you will get child support. Weigh your options.
You say you hand half your money over to him. Stop that and use it instead for childcare. It's bizarre to me that you complain and complain but you keep doing exactly what you've been doing. Calmly inform your husband that this is the way it's going to be, and then do it.





Oh, and please, get some birth control, because, dang!
You need to find the trigger that sets him off...and gets his attention to help you. Hire a house cleaner...with his money...let the laundry pile up...go on a 1 week strike. He has to realize that you need help. I have done all of the household things while our children were growing, as well as driving them places, buying groceries, laundry, etc. It is the right thing to do. Play on his guilt, embarrass him in front of his family and friends...whatever it takes...and make sure you tell him you are going to do it so it does not come as a surprise.
You're being taken for a ride. I suggest you find a real man, not a spoilt lazy self centered child in a mans body.





But is he AWARE that you feel like this, sit down with a cup of coffee and talk it over and explain calmly that he is being selfish and you have no time for anything else, because of him, and if he doesn't change then it's time to move on. Or you could just stop doing it all, the ball's in your court.
Not to sound like a jerk- but welcome to Motherhood!





All I can say is this- as the kids get older, it gets easier.





Good luck to you!








ADD ON- to that answerer under me- WTF kind of answer was THAT? ';Its related to sex'; are you smoking crack? Thats what is wrong with some men, they think that is what life is ALL ABOUT....sorry idiot, when you have two small children running around and bills to pay and you are exhausted because your LAZY LOSER HUSBAND won't help, sex is the LAST thing on a woman's mind! Just so you are aware!