Friday, August 20, 2010

How do I manage not to blown up at my husband while he says mean and hurtful things to me?

We always make up. He woudl apologize. I apologize sometimes. ( naturally it is his fault most of the time) Every time we get into an argument it blows up beyond the reasonable proportions. My husband is dealing with a lot - business problems ( money), his dad's cancer, and he himself just got a surgery. He does feel sorry for himself but it is for a good reason. I woudl too. But we cannot turn any minor disagreement into a huge fight once a week, for godness sake. He has never been married before - he is 51, and I am 7 years younger, and we've been toghether for 14 months. We are very very different - different education, background, and come even from different countries. Is there any hope for improvement? Or ways to somehow diffusing the fight so it doesnt' grow to riduculous size?? help!!!How do I manage not to blown up at my husband while he says mean and hurtful things to me?
This may sound simple, but basic truths are simple. The only way to diffuse an arguement is if one person refuses to get into it.





You may feel that you need to argue with him in order to stick up for yourself and prove that you are right, but the fact is that disagreement is rarely solved by angry loud words.





Just decide to not ramp things up. He can't argue with himself and you don't have to prove yourself by being louder or meaner than he is.How do I manage not to blown up at my husband while he says mean and hurtful things to me?
He has never been married before so he's used to doing/having everything his way, and has to adapt to having a wife.





I'm glad that you understand what he is going through. When you can, just sit down with him and tell him you want to be a sounding board for him, someone he can just open up and talk to which will help relieve some stress; but you don't want to be a verbal punching bag.





After that, the next time a discussion starts to escalate, CALMLY say that you're willing to listen when he is willing to talk to you calmly; go for a walk. Just don't stand there and let it escalate. I've had to do the same thing. My husband gets upset and accuses me of not wanting to hear what he says. I tell him I very much want to hear what he says when he can speak to me rationally and calmly. I have told him I will not let a discussion escalate into a shouting match and I will walk away and let him calm down.





Good luck!
You should be his shoulder to cry on but never his stepping stone. He has no right to mistreat you.
He may be 51, but you are both babies in the areas of negotiating differences without rage and resentment.... There is a whole lot of difference between, '; Geez what a jerk you are when you say..... I just hate that and.....';


And, '; Wow, I guess we need to discuss this to find a common ground where we can each help the other. When can we talk?';





Being able to get your issues out there on the table without trouncing on another's ego is a skill that we ought to teach in hs.... we do not, and of course lots of kids never make it to college, or never take a course in communication.





Since you two come from differing cultures, I'd suggest you have a few sessions with a counselor to find out ways the fighting can stop, and true resolution of your difference begin.... You each need the language of negotiation if it disintegrates into fighting---if you are fighting, you don't have it........ stupid, and erosive to any relationship. Get some counseling, hon. two sessions would be the best $$ either of you ever spent.
He is too old to try to change and set in his ways.
Try couples counseling
No matter how bad things are you have to work on things together.True love will take care of every thing.
I understand where your coming from. I cannot stand to argue or have someone 'shouting' at me. We are grown and should have control over our emotions.





The only thing you can tell him, quietly, is that you will talk about it later, when he has more control and simply walk away from him. I had to do this with a male tenant/friend. He would just start shouting and making faces to get his point across, so he said. He thought I would not take him serious or hear him unless he acted like a child. I told him I was raised differently and could not hear him when he shouted.





He learned to get calm before approaching me and I NEVER SHOUT! I JUST SAY WHAT I HAVE TO SAY IN A CALM, QUITE MANNER. IT IS MOST EFFECTIVE. GOOD LUCK.
I think you need to have a serious talk with him.

Married women who has to deal with the ex?

You all know what i am talking about. When your husband had kids with an ex girlfriend or ex wife and you have to put up with it. How long did it take to establish a steady civil relationship between you, the ex and your husband if you ever did? Are you involved or does your husband deal with her himself? What are or were your issues with each other?Married women who has to deal with the ex?
I did all the dealing when it came to her. She was nothing but a minipulative c**t and did everything she could to tear us apart, she lost of course.





I then decided to become friendly with her, pays to keep your friends close but your enemies closer.





Now her life has turned to absolute crap and I relish the fact that she is drowning in it. Call me vindictive but she deserves everything that was coming to her.Married women who has to deal with the ex?
It didn't take long at all. My belief is that they had a relationship before you came into the pictures, so you need to give them space to deal with the kids. It took me and the ex-wife about a month to talk to each other. I let her know I was her just to help and was not trying to take anyone place. I told her that her son would not call me mom or step mom... just by my first name. That seem to work for us. Now don't get me wrong, any big things that go on between my husband and the ex, I know about, but little things like him calling to talk to the son.. I don't have anything to do with.
well..i am on both sides of that fence. i am a ';first wife'; and also dating a man who is divorced with children.


my ex and i had a horrible marriage and he remarried a young girl and they have children together. the ex and i don't communicate..so i have come to communicating with his wife. i think we get along pretty well. i do not get involved in ANY of their personal stuff, nor question my children. i try to make things best as possible for my kids.


on the other hand..my bf's ex calls almost everyday about anything that comes to mind. even tho she is remarried too, it seems as though she is not..i don't like it very much.


i guess i just try to be civil..and expect the same from others.

How to deal with husbands nasty ex wife(maturely)?

My new husband has joint custody with his exwife of their 3 kids. Between sports events and school functions we have to deal with her 2-3 times a week. His exwife told my inlaws once ';IF I can't have him no one will'; and 7 yrs later shes till single and bitter. She ok to him but injoys little diggs to me. So how should i deal with a exwife who hates me for the only reason I have what she wants?How to deal with husbands nasty ex wife(maturely)?
I think the only thing you can do is develop a thick skin and learn to ignore her. She's going to be in your life for a lot of years so you might as well just learn to tune her out. Hopefully, she'll find someone herself eventually, but if she's bitter and hateful about the divorce, that's going to turn off a lot of potential boyfriends/husbands.How to deal with husbands nasty ex wife(maturely)?
the best way to treat her is by ignoring her.
It's the children that count. Anything you do that is hurtful towards their mother is not good. Be kind, don't ever put her down, and have a thick skin. She's a bully and if she gets nothing, it will probably stop.





Try to talk to her privately when you can, calmly and tell her what you want. She will choose to say yes or no.





But I'll bet you knew all about this when you got married. We all make choices.
Talk to a therapist
If you broke up that family you have no right to be so smug. What goes around, comes around.





If you had nothing to do with it, then a mature person would ignore her ';little digs';. They don't mean anything to you.
Honey, this is tough....





the only way t deal with her is talk to her.. INFRONT OF YOUR HUSBAND! Why? well if you talk to her behind your husband...she will act mean, infornt a nice lady...well talk to her... if that doesnt work try her own game...





like kiss your husband...if shes their sit on his lap.tease him... not in a such sexual way.. but you get what i mean right?





try it watch! give her a taste of her medicine if she doesnt agree to talk..

Has anyone else's husband/partner been nervous about having a girl? Advice please!?

My husband and I found out last night that our first baby is a little girl (yay!). I am thrilled, and my husband is happy that we are having a healthy baby, but we both felt like it was a boy. My husband is now very quiet and nervous--like he's in a state of shock. He says he is happy but just ';doesnt know anything about how to raise a little girl.'; Has anyone else been in a similar situation, and how did your husband deal with it? Thank you!Has anyone else's husband/partner been nervous about having a girl? Advice please!?
my husband was in despair for a day or two. lol we were also sure we were having a boy. but once it set in...he got very excited. and now Josie has him wrapped around her finger...! i am now pregnant with baby #2 and he is worried that it might be a boy this time...because now that hes had a girl, he doesnt know how he will handle a boy! lol no matter what you have, your husband will quickly adjust...especially once they see that little face.Has anyone else's husband/partner been nervous about having a girl? Advice please!?
My husband wanted a boy. As a matter of fact he was sure it was a boy, I was sure it was a girl. So we went to the doctor and found out it was a girl. We both were excited but he told me that raising a girl would be harder for him and that boys are ';easier'; and he didn't want to have to deal with the issue of dating. I think it's normal for guys to want a little boy. But when that girl comes, she's going to have your husband wrapped around her little finger. I know my husband will be.
Yes, i had the same thing. I think men idealise having a son and what it would mean to them





You will all be fine as soon as she comes along. He will fall madly in love with her and these nerves will be completely forgotten!





If it helps, i felt the same as your husband when i thought i was having aboy! 'OMG, there's no boys in our family, i know nothing about raising boys!'





Lol





don't worry, you will be fine


x
Once the baby is born, it should come naturally to him, regardless of the sex of the baby.





Tell him to take it easy. When the baby comes, he'll know what to do, and even then he'll have some time before the baby is a real 'girly girl'... he has time.





Remind him also, that a little girl's relationship with her daddy is one of the most important she'll have throughout her lifetime. Remind him this, and remind him that he can't drop the ball on his first-born...
I won't find out what I am having for another two weeks. But my husband doesn't want a girl, he thinks the way the world is right now, all little girls are sluts, expecially after watching the movie Towelheads. I am nervous about having a little girl, but I am sure he will get over it, once she is here.
Hey you two stop there and don't predict and be nervous


After the baby is born you wont be able to separate yourself from her from a minute


You will have a feeling that she is your part part of your life and you brought her in this world





So just enjoy your time things will be wonderful at the end


As you will think so you will get





Enjoy!!!
raising to the teens is the same then things change a little. he was probably looking forward to father/son activities e.g. football and baseball. he will just have to switch to soccer and softball. i was the first child and a girl and beside my father i learned to fish, change tires and fix cars (saves on mechanic bills). there is no limit on what he can teach his child whether it be a son or daughter. and daughters can be as tough as sons..i have one of each.
My husband knew even less about babies than I did! Our first was a girl, and she's had him wrapped around her finger from the day she was born. I predict five minutes, tops, before he's in love!
Well my husband wanted a girl at first but it was a boy %26amp; now he still really wants a girl %26amp; well we dont know yet but i think he would be more nervous then he himself thinks
i'm 26 weeks with a girl. and my hubby is so excited at the same time he started extra savings %26amp; buying properties to secure the lil girls life.

How do you deal with a husband with withdrawl issues (vikodin).?

angry, mean, bad sex life %26amp; no romance? HOW?


this has been going on for about 3 months now.


I'm not even interesting to him, but I know he loves me...as do I love the OLD him....





Thanks for any suggestions, professional ones or not.


aaaaaaaaaaaaaaahHow do you deal with a husband with withdrawl issues (vikodin).?
Withdrawel from Vicoden takes four days. Perhaps your bf is just a jerk. If you love the old him, he was probably loaded. If you know he wasn't, he needs to be going to NarcaNon (which is true no matter what) to help him remember how to be a decent human being again.





If you keep allowing him to treat you this way, you are enabling this behavior by accepting it. Al Anon can help you. I know the using part of the addiction is over, but there's much more to it than that.How do you deal with a husband with withdrawl issues (vikodin).?
Just try not to take it personally, and when he's mean and lashes out don't get pulled into an argument. He's suffering right now and can't help feeling angry and you're the closest one to take it out on, even though I'm sure he doesn't mean to or want to. He can't really even think about romance right now because of how bad he's feeling, so until he gets through this don't expect it. Try to be positive and let him know that you understand what he's going through and that you're happy that he's quitting the pills. Having your support will make it a lot easier. If you're negative and complain/nag it'll only make him wish even more than he could take some pills.








EDIT: Those who said withdrawls should only be 4-10 days are only partially right. That is how long it takes your body to get over the physical withdrawls (sweating, vomiting, tremors) but the mental withdrawls can last a very long time. Taking Vicodin for an extended amount of time messes up your endorphins. When you come off it, it's hard for your body to create endorphins and for you to feel good on your own because you can't make the endorphins like you used to. It takes the body some time to get the imbalance corrected. Exercising causing your body to release endorphins, so you could try to get him to go jogging with you a few times a week. It will take a little while for him to notice a difference, but it will help.
He should not be experiencing withdraw if he discontinued use 3 months ago. The withdrawal should only be within 7-10 days. Talk to a physician. The symptoms are not that severe even with the most addicted individual some frustration and slight anger issues that any grown and mature adult should be able to handle.
Usually withdrawls from any kind of opiate only takes about a week. 2 weeks at most. When actually ON opiates (vicodin, codien, heroin) they portray the actions you are talking about. Try and get him into AA or NA, but if he's not ready to quit, you, nor anyone else, can make him. He has to be ready. And you should go to Alanon. Good luck.
Hes sick and it will take up to 5 yrs for him to find pleasher in the things he usto.His brain has been tricked to relise indorfens for pleasher and its got to get back to regular functioning.Depreshion is the next thing hell go threw.You might see about getting on anti depresents to help him enjoy the things he usto like sex and personail relanships. Be strong and be pashent.It will get better.God blees.
With me being in a simular situation......





You need to give him a little space because he will be really moody and will probly say things that will hurt you. But most likly not meaning it but says it in fustration. He needs to get help...but once the withdrawls go thru he will get back to normal..not 100% but it will get better.





Just love him and let him know your there for him.


I would try looking into a counsler...Addiction is a painful thing to live with..as you will NEVER get over addiction
It is sad to say you ae going to need help to help his chemical imbalance so that he would not have the mood swings and what nots..bc his brain and all were affected by that so seek professional help for that and also a support group
My husband was on vicodin for three years due to a spinal injury....





Even though he is no longer in need of it.. He has never been the same mentally. That stuff fries your brain!





How do I cope...I go on with my life. I can't force him to reconnect to the world or me.
I have taken Vicodin. I have to agree with Glo. You will not have withdrawal from Vicodin 3 months later. You could also try posting this question in the health section. Good luck.
The old him is dead, and never coming back, there may be parts of him in there, but overall he has changed...3 1/2 months is a long time....he needs more help
Those withdrawal symptoms shouldn't last forever. hang in there!
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  • How do you deal with a husband who has lost his job?

    how do you deal with anxious people who are anxious and sometimes you get blamed for nothing . i love this person but its straining our relationship .pls don't recommend medical help because he hates to goHow do you deal with a husband who has lost his job?
    First evaluate why he lost job. If its bad luck then support him and encourage and motivate him to find a better job what he deserves to be.


    But he is fired because of his mistakes or carelessness, then ask him to work on his weak area and keep trying for better opportunity.


    Very important make him feel that you are always there with him provided he is working towards it rather then getting into depression and ruining his life as well as his family. Becos you will be happy when your husband is happy and feels satisfied.How do you deal with a husband who has lost his job?
    I hope your husband found the job???

    Report Abuse



    Some men take losing a job the same as if you cut off his.... and gave him a sex change. Women just say ';oh well, get another job';, it's different with men. So first you have to understand that and give him support that he needs to get through it and get another job. He'll get back to himself, just help him with his resume and help him get it out. Make sure he knows you aren't going to do like most of the women on here say to and leave him. He's already feeling insecure, don't make it worse. Love and support is what he needs, the blaming comes from lack of that and fear that you are already planning on walking. I'm not justifying it, just letting you know that's how guys think.
    I would probably help him find a job... as best as I could.. say I support him.. and hopefully he finds one soon.. as in this day and age you need to incomes to survive
    Very Interesting Question
    My wife and I were discussing a friend this morning regarding the same circumstances! Her husband is as lazy as they come! My recommendation would be to send him down the highway! You lose your job you get another one immediately! I don't want to hear how hard it is to find one! If you want to work---there's work!! Every farm in America has lot's of it!Never been out of work a day in my life and I'm almost 53! I don't buy all that phycological crap either. It's a fact of life- get on with the program!!!!!!!!!
    it is just going to get worse. you can't help someone who won't help themselves. don't let him drag you down. divorce him and go on with your life.
    Tell him ';darling I met this gorgious rich guy and if you don't get another job as soon I 'm affraid i'll have to tell you BYE'; lol kidding... be patient with him not having a job is not that pleasant and he couln't possibly feel like in hevean... Good luck to both of you.
    I suppose that it would be best to try your best to be supportive and understanding. I know it can be hard not to react to someone who jumps all over your case for no reason, but try just to call him out on it with a manner of civility. Just because he lost his job doesn't mean he can mistreat you. Try to stay calm and encourage him that things will work out soon. I don't think he needs medical help. Losing a job is hard on anybody! I think that for men it is especially difficult and they often react to it as though they are grieving... because in a way, they are. In time, things should improve. When he finds another job, things will return to a more normal keel.
    hope it works out for you


    good luck.
    Have you ever lost your job before? It is soul destroying. You can feel worthless and pathetic. You can feel like you have let everyone down who is counting on you. Your husband needs to know that you don't think he's a loser right now. He needs support to get through this. Get a grip and help him. He needs to know that he will find another job and that things are going to be all right.
    It is very hard to change a person... What I found is that if you tell a person how you feel after they say something that is not true is that You feel depressed when he blames your for so so.. and you hate to feel that way and just walk away..


    what usually works, also, if he blames you for something just accept it and laugh and say that you are really sorry.. If you turn it to ironic joke he will quit... he likes playing with your emotions because you let him!!!


    If you can take him on vacation to the place where he likes to go... since he lost his job it will cool him and change of scenery is good
    My boyfriend lost his job last year. The only thing you can do is push him and keep him motivated to find a new one. If he is constantly bothering you like mine did, just stay away for a while.
    HELP HIM .ENCOURAGE HIM .STAND BY HIM.DONT CRITICISE.PRAISE HIM.
    If this is your husband, then you promised that you would be there for him through the good times and the bad...sickness and health. So get those ';I'm leaving him'; thoughts out of your head, and find ways to lift him up. Hug him and tell him you love him, ask him what can you do to help him,and sign him up on monster.com. It seems hard right now, but you will get though this too.

    How can I deal with husbands 'Ugly Betty' fantasy?

    He keeps asking me to dress like ugly betty and wear big red framed glasses and seduce me.... and its just that I dont like to be replaced even in mind by some ugly loser...





    Please helpHow can I deal with husbands 'Ugly Betty' fantasy?
    honey men gets bored very quickly... just be happy he wants YOU to dress like ugly betty.....and not another woman..... just suck it up and put the red glasses on... u might even like itHow can I deal with husbands 'Ugly Betty' fantasy?
    dress up. he is asking you to do the fantasy, which is healthy. if you won't, who will. as a married couple, you should be able to share each others fantasies. I have dressed up as a nurse, a play boy bunny and even wear a wig and call myself ';Savannah Heat';, I enjoy it, and don't think so much into it.
    Better than him going off with another woman.





    Instead of making this a frustrating situation, make it a sexy situation! MAKE your husband dress like somebody you like.





    Eventually, he'll get over it and then you can tease him about his Ugly Betty fantasy.
    That's a weird fantasy,


    JUST DONT BUY A PANCHO THAT SAYS GUADALAJARA ON IT!


    Ask him why he wants you to do that,


    ask him if its because he thinks your not pretty.


    He'll feel bad and get over it probably.
    Choices





    1) reject him and he'll hide his fantasies from you





    2) get into the role play - but do it your way. What's YOUR fantasies??


    Try a few on him! I think you both would enjoy it.
    wow u said it,,,losahhhhhh tell him your sick of it. He needs to love u not this other person. It`s almost a cheating kinda weird thing.
    LOL! I laugh just thinking of it!


    It could be a lot worse. What if he asked you to dress like Barbara Walters or another of the ';View'; women?
    haha, that's actually really funny for some reason....
    Make him dress up next time. You might like it.
    Ha ! Ha! That is actually funny and does not seem offensive... Just do it once for him.....

    Does mother have right to mistreat an infant child if she hates her husband?

    How should husband deal with this situation?Does mother have right to mistreat an infant child if she hates her husband?
    Never, take control of the situation and seek professional help. Your wife (I assume), in any case, needs therapy and help, I am sure she doesn't mean it, she is very frustrated with her own problems, she should have them resolved before reuniting with her child.





    Good luck!Does mother have right to mistreat an infant child if she hates her husband?
    there is no need maltreating a child because of the hate you have for the father, its sheer wickedness and god would never forgive that.
    Call childrens services and keep the mother away from her child
    Take the child and leave her. It could be post partum. Tell her doctor.


    The husband have to take an active role in make sure the child is healthy and safe..





    If he can not you need a mother like person to help around. Get help please
    Take the baby and run.
    Video tape the mother and take it that proof to DHS or call the police remove the child. ASAP.Documention on anything that will help prove this. Make sure it's something you can prove.
    If it's putting the infant in danger I would call the Police immediately! Nobody has the right to mistreat an infant for any reason. It's your duty as a responsible parent for the welfare of your child. If you neglect to get help, you are just as guilty. Don't waste time!
    How dare you take your hatred for your husband out on your baby. That baby is partially you, the baby grew inside of you and because you hate your husband you are taking it out on the child. You need psycoligical help. And if you do not want to raise the child give it to someone who will love it unconditionally. Seems to me you are a very self centered person.
    A mother has no right to mistreat a child. Its not the childs fault that the mom hates the father. The father needs to remove the child from the mom. If he knows its going on and does nothing then he is just as much to blame as the mom.
    leave with child and have proof of the mistreatment so u get full custody
    no, not at all, but what are you talking about? what kind of mistreatment? like abuse?
    why should to child suffer he/she didnt do anything you need to step up and do something before it gets out of hand and i mean NNNNOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW
    We took my husbands ex to court because of it. She started treating her kids badly because she hated their Daddy so badly and all she could see was him in them. I thought that was pretty pathetic. We took her to court and they took a lot of her custody away and told her she had until a certain date to get her act straight or they would be taken away from her for good. Sad thing is, is that she has a third child that she had with a boyfriend who walked out on her and she treats the kid like gold because she gets money from her exs parents and he is no where to be found. It's really sad that people act like that because it's not the childrens fault that their parents can't work things out. I don't care who you are, an infant child cannot take care of itself and it doesn't control who its parents are. Take her to court or turn her in cause you can get in as much trouble as she can if you are allowing the abuse to happen.
    No one has a right to mistreat a infant.
    i think tou need a little more detail to your?also consider if it is postpartum or baby blues b/c their are medicines 4 that.but if u feel the child is in any danger you need to step up and do something about it and no she dont have the right to mistreat that baby if she hates the father but sometimes women r really depressed and thrir hormones r way out of whack,but u need to get to the bottom of this big problrm before that baby gets hurt!!!!!!!!!!!!
    Of course she doesn't nobody has the right to mistreat a child. if you know someone who is mistreating a child, then report them to the NSPCC or the police or whoever it is that you report child cruelty to in your country.
    man take the baby and leave that crazy ***** nobody has a right to mistreat their child for any reason and call the cops too cuz thats ****** up
    If this is legit... you're first responsibility is to your child. You know NO ONE has a right to mistreat another, let alone an infant. Document what she is doing. Tell other people. If she will not change, your child needs to be removed from the situation.
    Report her to the cops.. Get her thrown in jail.





    That little baby didn't hurt anyone!
    not only is the answer to that question No... it's hell no...





    Hubby should set her straight... call DEFACs on her if she doesn't stop.
    He should beat her *** and kick her to the curb!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one has the right to hurt a child! She should also be turned in to the local authorities.
    If anyone knows of child abuse occuring and does not report it should be thrown in prison with the abuser. It is our responsibility as humans to protect those that cannot protect themselves. So if you know this or suspect it, you need to report it. you should be able to do it anonymously if that is a concern for you. But do not look the other way. The mother needs help as well. To get her help now would be better than to wait until the damage is irreversible.
    ditto. but r u sure she is mistreating, and not your dislike for her colouring your judgmenet?
    NO ONE has the Right to Mistreat an Infant !! Contact Authorities!! She may be going through post pardom Depression?. Get her some Help ASAP!!! Good Luck !!
    No way. No one should ever mistreat an infant. SHe needs to be turned in to CPS.

    Pregnant and angry. How to deal with husbands friend?

    I HATE this man with the fiery passion of a thousands suns. I would gladly load him in a cannon and blast him into orbit. I try not to argue or ***** about him. But now that Im pregnant and hormonal Im having more trouble holding my tongue. Does anyone else have to deal with a friend that you can't stand? How do you do it? Pregnant and angry. How to deal with husbands friend?
    Ugh! I know exactly what you mean! I finally just got rid of my boyfriend's friend who was living with us/mooching off of us for everything. I absolutely hated having him in my home but I kept my mouth shut because he was important to my boyfriend. After a while though, I had to say something. Things were getting out of hand. He had been with us a month and STILL didn't even have the smallest incling of a job! Plus, he was a smoker, messy, rude, etc...And it seemed like whenever my boyfriend hung out with him, (which was all the time) he was being influenced by him to be just as messy, rude, and irresponsible. My advice would be to just explain how you feel to your husband. Obviously, I don't know the situation but maybe you two can come to some sort of understanding/compromise. His main concern should be your well-being and comfort at this point. If you are stressed out and upset, it's not good for you or baby. Best of luck and congratulations! I feel your pain!!!Pregnant and angry. How to deal with husbands friend?
    my husband only has one friend that i prefer to not have visit, and he rarely does- usually only during special occassions etc. At the moment though, i know how you are feeling, I find it difficult to not snap at people, and i have to catch myself when i realize that i am going around with a scowl on my face, and feeling grumpy.





    It's ok to say to someone 'i'm hormonal atm, and am finding it very difficult to be civil to you.' that way you can let them know how you are feeling without doing the snapping thing.



    stop answering your phone when he calls and let your husband deal with it when he's home.


    Let him know that you do not like the excessive calling in a single day and why he's causing you stress right now. Ask your husband to speak to this ';friend'; about keeping distance from you especially during this time. YOU are the first priority and the baby, not some annoying friend who apparently has no life if he can call someone 12 times in a single day.






    Your husband should understand that this guy really upsets you and should keep him away from you especially since you're pregnant you don't need this stress.

    How do you get your husband to talk about what he is mad about?

    My husband deals with his anger by either exploding or giving me the silent treatment for days. Then he will just resume life as if it never happened? I believe two people can talk through just about anything.....Please help!!! Thank you.How do you get your husband to talk about what he is mad about?
    Just sit down with him and calmly ask him what he is upset about. Do not yell or nag at him just be a good listener. When he tells you how he is feeling and why listen and do not argue or fight with him. He also may need some sort of counseling and help to learn how to communicate with you better and you with him.How do you get your husband to talk about what he is mad about?
    good luck....it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks
    Above all else don't sit down and talk to him during dinner. That's only going to cause him to get mad. Let him enjoy his meal. Let him rest for about an hour after the meal and then perhaps you can talk to him about this issue.





    Apparently you are doing something that aggravates him alot, so you best be getting to the bottom of this issue. Another cause may be a lack of intimacy on your part towards him. Could be alot of causes.
    i don't know.. i tend to deal with my anger the same way .. although i dont get angry often.. i'd just rather either hold it all in.. and not speak to the person whos made me angry..





    i'm not quite sure why.. i just don't like talking.. :)
    Your husband has control issues and you need to stop this behavior. The next time he gives you the silent treatment and tries to resume life, tell him you'll talk to him when he's ready to discuss the matter; then give him the silent treatment in return. If he explodes on you, continue the silent treatment until he stops behaving like a spoiled brat and starts acting like an adult.
    i wish i knew the answer i have the same problem.
    Tell him go ahead and give you the silent treatment, it's not your fault he's not adult enough to handle things like a real man and resorts to immature behavior.
    ok i dont usually answer stuff like this but


    i have the same problem as he has, here is what happen to me, when i got like that, my wife reminded me she was on my side, no matter what happen she was on my side and asked if i would like to include her in my problem...


    took awhile but it worked
    Just sit down with him at dinner or somewhere, and ask him.
    Cut him off! That always gets the Guys to talkin'!

    How to deal...me and husband had a big fight last week,?

    and since then he has been ignoring me and acting like i dont exist...i even apologized my part of what i said and he is still being cold, when he comes home he will ignore me and be all googoo with the bay right in front of me...it feels fake, how can i deal with this?How to deal...me and husband had a big fight last week,?
    Patience is a virtue...to a point. Communication is what makes a relationship strong. Whether he likes it or not the two of you will have to face each other and sort this out. Couples don't always have to agree with each other but talking things out, maybe compromise on each others part has to happen to move on.How to deal...me and husband had a big fight last week,?
    How far did you take the verbal abuse during this fight. Many women think that they can say all sorts of terrible things to a man, but if they later say ';sorry'; all should be forgotten. If he crossed a line with you, you would giving him the same treatment he is giving you now.
    Do you mean baby? I guess I would write him a letter, put it in his lunch bag/briefcase. Express that though you might still disagree, you are willing to compromise to make things less tense for everyone. Hopefully that will work, if not go visiting family For the weekend. That will make him miss you. Best of luck!
    Give him space. Tell him you understand he needs his space, but you will need yours too. Tell him you're ready to talk when he is, but in the meantime, you're just gonna have to do your thang.
    All couples fight. Your hubby is just being immature about it. If I were you I would stop apologizing and let things settle down on there own. He will come around.
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  • Husband moves back in with ex to deal with childs emotional prob?

    My soulmate, dearest friend in the world husband just announced to me that he needs to move back in to his ex's home to be with his kids. We have been married 2 years. He has 2 kids - a daughter 15 and son 19. The son is having some emotional difficulties with anger etc...He says he doesn't know how long this will take. His ex-wife and I have discussed the fact she has no feelings for him anymore and the son said he needs his dad there. My husband does not want me to divorce him and wants me to give him time to deal with this and not give up on him. His ex-wife has instructed my husband that he will have to sleep in his son's room also. How long should I let this go on? I just happened today, but husband has dealt with guilt for a while. I feel left out in the cold as this seems like it could take years. My husband still wants to come take care of my household chores but theirs too. We have no kids together but I do. This is weird. He wants to be married to me. Help!!!Husband moves back in with ex to deal with childs emotional prob?
    I don't think hes leaving.He could have handled the problem with out moving in.Husband moves back in with ex to deal with childs emotional prob?
    Think about this....If he puts the well being of his children ahead of the well being of his marraige, then he should never have left them in the first place.
    well he left his wife for you so he may turn it around it may back fire you may wind up hurt his ex wife might been hurt but put up with it for thier kids yeah right hes not sleeping with her just there for his son you better hope thats all
    This son of his is manipulating this whole thing. He is 19, legally an adult! If he has ';anger'; issues he needs to get counseling for them. If your husband gives into this now, he will never have a back bone. Yep, they are his kids. But he's your husband! These children aren't little anymore. They are old enough to understand that Dad has a new wife and an new life. Sounds like he is available for the children, but they are demanding more...I would NOT let this happen. I know it's something he has to come to terms with. He would blame you if you tried to stop him, but you should push him towards NOT moving in and arranging some professional counseling for his children and his ex-wife.
    sounds pretty far fetched to me.....not sure that this is the best solution for anyone let alone the son who will certainly be getting mixed messages...this is something that should be handled by professionals and I doubt they would agree with this arrangement.....
    That's weird. That's shockingly weird. Maybe the son should move in with you guys...if that's not an option, kiss your marriage good bye!
    Years!? I dont think I could do that. If it was a shorter time period maybe but thats so long. Why cant the son move in with you or the son in father get a place together. That might make you feel more comfortable with it.
    This sounds pretty strange to me. He can help his kids WITHOUT moving back into his ex's house. If his son has anger issues he might not be able to help him anyway. He may need professional help.
    Sorry, but either your ';dearest friend'; is lying to you or is less than intelligent. At 19 his son is a grown man. Any issues your husband can help him deal with now do not require that ';daddy'; is there 24/7 holding his hand. Your husband probably feels responsible for the boy's problems, but he is wrecking your life to try to rectify past mistakes. Simply ask him not to do to his current family what he feels guilty about having done to his first family. Do NOT accept this living arrangement, or your marriage is essentially destroyed.
    I'm so sorry for this situation which has been forced on you. I believe that a 19 year old's anger issues should be dealt with professionally rather than by amateurs. If his emotional issues are as serious as is being presented to you, putting the father back into the picture is not going to solve the emotional problems but will serve to make them less likely to be resolved.





    If the family truly believes that being around his ';missing'; father is the solution, why don't you and your husband let the son move into your home, make him go to school and get a job, so he can learn to be self-sufficient.





    p.s., This is such an unusual situation that I think you should question everyone's version of this story. Protect yourself legally by consulting a matrimonial attorney quietly without your husband knowing you are doing so.
    it could be solved by moving the kid in with him and you. he wants out. no one could be that dumb.
    It's just a lame excuse for him to leave you
    Im sorry but i think you need to kiss your marriage good bye and leave and get what is due you and your kids and move on . Your husband is obviosly not man enough to speak up to his ex wife and tell her to blow off cause he was not moving in this is just going to confuse the son and it will never end . the boy will continue to have problems . the ex will always expect the dad to handle them . Just go you cannot win in this one and it is time to move on . Get a divorce lawyer and be done with it .

    How do u deal with a husband who is verbally abusive to you and hates your family for whatever reason?

    This may be a weird question, yet would like to know methods of approach other than divorce. Thank youHow do u deal with a husband who is verbally abusive to you and hates your family for whatever reason?
    Don't know that there is any other solution but divorce.... unless you stay and take it....








    Marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust. He doesn't respect you (or your family), certainly he as no admiration for you, (or them) if he is verbally abusive, the sex has gotta be teriffic if you're still there, but do you much trust him???? If all you have is sex, all you have is a live in boinking buddy, and quite frankly, don't think that is much..... you can find that anywhere.


    Marriage takes work, compassion, caring, giving, time together, kind words, solving problems without rage and without trouncing on the others' ego.


    Do you have any of these?





    It involves spending time together, and sharing experiences --- plays, symphony, concerts, times in the park, at the zoo, on vacation, or without the kids in front of a fireplace...


    Do you have any of these?





    It involves agreement on how extra time and money is spent, and creating a loving environment for children, should you wish to have them.... and that is a choice made together with great consideration, since each kid will cost you $250,000 to rear it to age 20, with no guarantees that your efforts will yield a kid who will even like you.





    Right now, it appears you don't have much to loose by going to a few sessions of counseling to see if you even have anything besides a financial arrangement worth saving. Life sure as hell is too short to spend it trying to bail out more water than you are taking on.......How do u deal with a husband who is verbally abusive to you and hates your family for whatever reason?
    Sorry to say, but there are no other methods. If he loved and cared for you enough he would never abuse you [verbally or physically] or disrespect your family. My father was abusive. Especially if you have children, don't let them go through the pain of dealing with your relationship problems.
    I would let him know that you deserve to be treated better than that and will not tolerate it. Seek counseling , if he will not go than your only alternative is divorce. Either that or have him go to the Maury Povich show and have the black guy yell at him. He has a lot of sucess with abusive husbands. Good luck.
    I think you have to decide for yourself how much longer you will accept this type of treatment from your husband. I mean, there are a lot of men that don't like their in-laws, but for him to be verbally abusive to you would be the bigger issue if I were you. I did the whole abusive relationship for 9 years and all it got me was a bunch of bumps, bruises and absolutely NO self esteem.





    If you are able to talk to your husband about the issue try approaching him and let him know that that type of treatment isn't respectful and will not be tolerated any more.





    Good Luck.
    You can try and discuss the issues with him. If that does not work, try counseling or talking to a trusted friend or priest. Maybe he does not see the things that he does hurt you because it was what he saw when he was growing up.
    Divorce
    He sounds like a very angry person. What is he angry about? He is verbally abusive to you ..constantly? You need to point it out to him when he speaks nicely to you as an adult not a petulant child lashing out, that you appreciate the positive contact.





    I suggest (if separation and divorce aren't to your liking) that you seek out a counselor to help you both deal with your communication skills.


    Anger management skills may help him deal with why he hates your family and why he lashes out at you. Relationships are 150% from both sides.. if you find you are always giving in to him and apologizing.. there are serious issues of manipulation going on here... Is he hateful to your family because when you are with them you come back stronger?





    DO NOT put up with ANY physical abuse! LEAVE IMMEDIATELY if this happens.. don't brush it away...or excuse it.





    Best of Luck.
    im sorry but divorce is the only approach that i see for you...
    U dont. There is no reason for anyone to abuse the other. Verbally of physically.
    You'd rather stay in an unhappy marriage, than get divorced. It's your decision. If he is abusive and hates your family, what hope do you have?
    Separation, or Divorce,sorry
    I really feel for you.but you need to tell him EXACTLY how you feel. That you are not happy ,feel left out of the marriage,hurt when he calls you names,ext......It sounds like you need to get some counseling,because his verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse

    How to stop being emotional when dealing with husband?

    My husband had an affair and we decided to separate. We have been working on our marriage and we both do try. The only problem is, that when he is around, all I want to do is talk to him about our relationship, what he wants and how we both feel. It is hard to enjoy time with him.





    There are days that he says hurtful things to me and I don't know how to deal with him. I end up acting like an inmature girl and either walk out, or kick him out. I tell him that I don't want to be with him any more, when the reality is I do.





    I don't know how to be more secure and not have to ask him for little reassurances all the time. For instance, asking when I will see him again, when he will call or come over, etc. How can I stop being so clingy and inmature?How to stop being emotional when dealing with husband?
    He cheated on his own wife, the worse thing he could do to you, when he commited that act. You could have been the most beautiful, the most kind or the nicest woman in this world, and it would still cut right through your heart and reduce you to a sniveling insecure girl. Who now believes SHE did something wrong. Get off your knees, you deserve better.


    He has you right where he wants you, while he is having a ball.


    If he was truely sorry he would be humble and with you right now, with you in his arms, showering you with love and affection.


    Love is a choice and he has made the choice not to love you, there are very good men out there with integrity, he is not one of them.


    Get over this person or you will grow old prematurely and lose your looks, your personality and your self-respect..How to stop being emotional when dealing with husband?
    Do you not love yourself enough? No matter what it takes you leave a man who cheats because he has made a committment to you and had sex with another woman. Unforgiveable and no excuse can justify this. Grow up and be the strong woman you see in the mirror and does not deserve to be treated this way.
    Why shouldn't you be emotional about the situation. You have the RIGHT to not trust him, to ask him where he's going, what he's doing, when you are going to see him again. HE is the one that broke your bond of trust, he is the one that should be trying to make it up to you instead of you worrying about how he feels about the way you are acting.





    The only way to repair this tear that HE has caused in your relationship is talk about it. Talk about it often, honestly and openly. If he doesn't value you enough to know how very deeply he hurt you. Doesn't love you enough to understand that the two of you need to work it through then I think you need to try and get on with your life.





    It will take a very long time for you to get over such a large betrayal, believe me, I speak from experience. It's been 6 years since my husband cheated and there are still times when I question whether or not I trust him....





    Listen Hun...you have the right to act the way you are, you have the right to be hurt, mad, freaked out, depressed and all ';immature and clingy';. If he loves you and honestly wants to repair the damage he has done then he would eat nails to prove you can trust him again.
    You are not doing anything wrong. It is because you have been hurt so much it has made you so weak and you can't fight the urge to go off. It is not worth you going through this. Look at yourself in the mirror and let yourself know it is really over. he has not learned to except responsibility for what he has done or he would 'nt keep causing you to feel this way. Only you can stop the hurt. You are the only one letting him hurt you now. Walk away and breath awhile start over without him. You will never be happy knowing your trust has been betrayed.
    first you have to get all of your feelings out. write him a letter and tell him what he did hurt you in so many ways. then tell him you forgive him and some rules have to be enforced when you meet. like no talking about what happened. no harrassing the other person on where you are where you've been blah blah blah.





    why don't you go on a trip and promise to not bring up any of the past while you enjoy his company. couples have to constantly work at the relationship and I'm glad that you're working it out. things will get better. ask for God;s help.
    Fact of life girl - 99.999% of all men and women that have an affair while married are prone to repeat the offense again! If they didn't love you enough to stay faithful to you, why would you think that magically they will never do it again? Did you turn into a witch and cast a spell on him to stay faithful? Did God reach down and with divine healing make him into a good and decent man that will forever walk the staright and narrow? Just because you love someone it doesn't mean that they will change for you. They must respect you to love you and quite frankly I can't see that he has shown you proper love or respect. Gain some self respect and leave this loser while you still have any pride left.
    He needs to realize that it is a normal reaction to what has happened. Your not the only one who has to work on it, he does too. He basically insults you because it's hard for him to deal with what he does so he is downplaying it in his mind. He is your husband and you have every right to ask him when you will see him. He thinks just being there is enough. Finding out about an affair is traumatic and everyone responds a different way. Society loves to shift the blame on the women... if he had a problem with you or the way you acted he should've have been a responsible man and leave! Once again I recommend this book... helped me a lot!!





    http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-R鈥?/a>





    Good luck!





    If you need someone to talk to send me a message.
    Its not gonna work in the long run. Get what you need from him but alow yourself some space. If you dont get away than you never will leave. Leave the past in the past but you dont have ot be alone. He still love you but it just not gonna work. Start a little at a time getting away from him and meeting new people. it isnt gonna be easy but you need to have your own life
    He had an affair and it seems that you are the 1 doing all the work to make it work. Get marriage counseling and if he won't do that then get help for you so that you will meet a guy that will not cheat and treat you the way you should be treated and loved.
    At least you see the issues here and that in itself will help you ivercome the problems. First you may consider giving the guy AND yourself credit for trying to patch things up.





    When your together why not talk about more light issues rather than serious dry ones. Talk about the future of your mutual interests outside of your relationship...do things together that are lighter and more fun....then I believe things will tend to mend easier and you AND he will have more faith and trust in yourselves and your relationship.
    It's these characteristics (controlling, insecure, needy) that drove him to cheat in the first place. It's really your fault he cheated, you should have been more psychologically mature.

    How should I deal with my husband who has a driver personality. He likes to control me?

    I have read that such men need to be handled indirectly rather than the direct, open and honest way. How can one be indirect. If its something he does thats annoying or unacceptable, rather than blurting it out, what and how should I bring it up to make him see sense.How should I deal with my husband who has a driver personality. He likes to control me?
    If he's your husband, than it is your duty as his wife to be honest with him about things. You must deal directly, otherwise, it could be toxic to your marriage. He may be a little controlling, but that doesn't mean you can't be honest with him about things and your feelings. As long as you discuss things with him, you will be fine. I would maybe sit down with him and discuss how he would be most comfortable with you handling situations like that. Good luck!How should I deal with my husband who has a driver personality. He likes to control me?
    Don't always go where he leads. Start doing somethings you want to do. He is trying to control you and you are letting him. Unless he is abusive I would just start doing what I thought worked for me. Do not be malicious and do things just to upset him. He will be upset enough when he doesn't get his way but if you are doing things that you feel are right for you then at least you can tell him why when he asks. Remember he doesn't have to agree with you but you also don't have to agree with him.
    Punch him in the neck!
    First, let me ask if he was always like this? If he wasn't then sit down either with or without him and figure out what has changed, when it started to change, what happened to cause a change, and most important how are you going to get back to when he wasn't so driving. My personal suggestion would be to talk to your local pastor. On the other hand if he was like that when you met him, then one would assume that you prefer that type of treatment and you for one definitely need counseling. Here is still a good place to start is your local pastor or at least a christian lady friend that you have a lot of confidence in. Best of luck and I will pray for peace in your family. God bless you.
    My X wife was like that she had to be in control and feel powerful. I did not really care so it did not bother me most of the time. I had a great business going and when she got to be too much I would go into the office to work. I just let my wife think she was the boss.





    There are ways to be in control without acting like it. If his need for control is bothering you then you need to fix it. I suggest you read books on psychology and how to control a situation without being confrontational. If it is too bad or if you cannot figure it out through self study seek a counselor and go even if you do it alone for more professional advice.
    Well if he insists on you doing something a certian way do it your way instead and then show him how it was better. That is indirect. A lot of times with a driver you just have to go with him and try and stay out of his way.
    laeve him ten times if he doesn't change then leave him for good i was like that too but my wife kept leavin me because of that and i loved her so i changed and now she's the man lol jk
    a controling relationship is an abusive relationship
    never marry a controling person
    Could you add on and give an example? Being in a controlling relationship will not work unless you want to be his child and not his wife.
    Trying to control your spouse is bs. Kick the bum to the curb and find a mate that want to be in a 50-50 relationship. Best of luck to you.
    you need to sit him down and tell him that u are worried about the way he is treating u and let him no u want him to stop.


    u need to feel special and if he dont make u fee that way then u need to tell him that be straight with him. that is the only way to be
    Be a good wife and say ';yes dear';. than do whatever you want.
    You've got to learn how to set boundaries with this man, or he could make your life absolutely more miserable than you could imagine. Boundaries is a word they use in counseling. You can learn to set boundaries that work either by going to a counselor and letting him or her tutor you, or you could try reading books on the subject and then go to counseling if you need more teaching than that. It's not very complicated, but it can be difficult to set boundaries in a relationship, and you need someone in your life who will support you while you set these boundaries, someone you can trust to be wise, and on your side. Do you have a good female friend, or a wise aunt, or an older female mentor of any kind? You're going to need one, and you'll have to have a counselor if you don't have a female support person already. The state Mental Health agency can sometimes provide counseling for free, or provide good references.


    A controlling husband is an abusing husband. It may not be as bad as the abuse that you see on tv, but you need to nip it in the bud or it can get that bad.





    I know what I'm talkin' about, honey. Been there and done that.
    record his flaws and replay them back for him at a good time,that will cure him!





    p.s.you can also get a doberman!!
    Two choices. A) Let him control you or B) RUN AWAY
    You're not a car...each person in a marriage controls himself or herself....it's called being an adult in an adult relationship. Get your husband some counseling he's not a boy anymore.
    If he wants to be the driver, then unless you want to be the steering wheel, take away his gas tank. If you know what I'm saying.
    give him a dose of his own medicine so then he will know what it's like to be treated like that
    counselling...?
    ignore him and make him sleep in the backyard

    How to deal with a husband who refuses to let me continue the job i want?

    i'm in the coast guard %26amp; my hubbie wants me to get out...but he gets to do the job he wants...ex-army turned police officer





    advice?How to deal with a husband who refuses to let me continue the job i want?
    What kind of agreement did you commit yourself too when you said I do? Did you agree that he had the final word about things or was your relationship based on mutual respect for what one another wanted? If your not alright with him deciding this for you then you need to decide if your right to make decisions is more important than your marriage.How to deal with a husband who refuses to let me continue the job i want?
    You are his wife - not his daughter; therefore, you can keep your job if that's what makes you happy. After all, aren't you ';letting'; him keep his job? The two of you are partners with equal rights. Explain your thoughts/feelings/opinions to him calmly and rationally and help him to understand that you value his side of the situation but in this case you must follow the leading of your own heart. I'm sure your husband doesn't want you to become an unhappy woman over this.
    Ask him to quit his job and tell him you will pick his next career for him. This is what he asking you to do. Police Officers- Authoritarians. Tell him that he is only to show his authority at work where he is supposed to. When he comes home he should realise that you are his wife, not some crim that he has to control. Keep working your job, don't bow down, because if you do you are opening up a huge can of worms. If you give in once, you will have to give in forever and his demands will just get bigger.
    I don't know what kind of circumstances you were married under (or in what country), but you have a right to the life that you want. Bottom line is that if it doesn't mesh with what your husband wants, you two need to work things out or split sheets. My husband would never, for a second, even think about uttering something so ridiculous as ';I refuse to let you'; and nor would I. Nobody has that much control over another person. Either you allow this or you don't. It's your marriage. What's next on the agenda of things he refuses to let you do?
    Oh sure he wants you to quit the job?





    How about this: Ok hubby... but before I quit I want a written,


    notarized agreement that if we break up some years down the road that you will pay me x amount of support to make up for the fact


    that I gave up my job to be your housewife...





    and have a really good lawyer draw up that agreement...





    That should shut him up... and you should keep your job.


    Never, ever give up your job unless your husband starts


    filling up your bank account with the equivalent of your monthly paycheck every month. Then he can have you as his housewife.


    Otherwise... this isn't the 50's and you weren't born yesterday.
    As his wife you are entitled to submit to him. There has to be a reason for this. Talk to him and don't hold back tell him how you feel and see exactly how he feels. Ask him if he thinks he's being fair. Communication is KEY. If it turns out that you are the unfair selfish one then you know what has to be done but don't make any decision that can harm your marriage. That is a sacred bond that needs not be broken.Oh yeah, and pray for an answer (let go and let God) !
    Do what you want.He wants to have control over you.Don't give him that.Do as you please tell him you married him because you wanted a husband not a father!
    You do not need a husbands permission to keep a job you love.





    Its called divorce! Enjoy your new life and freedom.





    The man you deserve would support you in every dream you have!
    talk with him about it and try and work something out
    And just what will happen if you don't quit?
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  • How to deal with my husband and his partner is their new construction business?

    My husbands work partner is his best friend. I am their secretary and I am getting to the point of hating my job. His partner only thinks of himself. He is always late, my husband has to get all material together. We went on vacation and his partner had to call every day, and didn't work while we were gone. My husband and I fight over this situation constantly -due to the fact that I feel that he is being taken advantage of and doesn't want to create waves so he just puts up with his partners lack of respect for my husband as well as for me. How do I get over this?How to deal with my husband and his partner is their new construction business?
    You need to find a new job and get out of there.How to deal with my husband and his partner is their new construction business?
    how new is this biz? is this full time or a weekend hobby? partnerships where one person is dragging the other along like a deadweight anchor never work and you dont know enuf yet about this to find if this is true. are they equal owners? has there already been money put into this? is this super risky? where and how are the profits split? in most areas there are small business organizations that have retired execs who consult for free or a nominal amount and can sort this out. if your husband wont do it, you do it. some guys are not going to go into biz on their own and the partner is sometimes important to them because of the perceived moral support. true. some guys can be in biz for themselves, some absolutely cant, and the slacker partner actually fulfills an important courage function. or this guy may be late but may be doing something else valuable you are not aware of. sometimes these partnerships dissolve when the primary partner feels brave enuf to go it alone. ask your husband if that is the case. you are hardly just the secretary, you are a defacto owner in this biz yourself. go to the bookstore and educate yourself in the biz section about owning your own business. read suzie orman. go with your husband when he sees the accountant. join, yes you, join the local home builders assoc. the more you know the less fear of the unknown there is. owning your own biz can be the key to financial freedom and having the power over your own life is priceless. so, do not fight with your husband, contribute to your business. observe, learn all you can who knows, you may be able to suggest ways to your husband that the partner can do more. and i know that male pride on this board says to shut up and go home. women sometimes see a bigger picture, and are very valuable that way in a biz. so ignore them, and give this time, do all you can do to be a happy positive influence, while you do all the other stuff to contribute. the rewards can be huge.
    If you back off and stop pointing out the partner's shortcomings, your husband may be more apt to take


    action on his own to remedy the problem. Sometimes,


    when we push too hard our guys become defensive and


    don't want to admit to themselves, or us for that matter, that


    they've made a mistake. Sounds like a hardworking man


    like yours needs a partner whose willing to put out the same


    effort. Let your guy realize this and deal with it on his own.
    The biggest mistake your husband made was bringing his wife into the BUSINESS! Of course you are always going to take you husbands side. You need to understand that this is BUSINESS, not a sewing club so why don't you go home and bake a pie or something and let the men run their own business!
    You need to get another job! I've been there, trust me. Sometimes your husband needs to be empowered into making his own decisions. Especially at his job. This is when you need to step away and let him take the lead. Be his secretary. Not his wife.
    Is the partner an owner than too? Half owner?





    I would suggest that you let your husband handle it. Making comments or trying to get him to see your side of it isn't going to get you very far. You might consider getting another job and hiring someone to do your job there. That way you are removed from the situation.
    Tell them you are looking for a new job, cuz you can't handle their childish behavior. It will soon spill over into the business %26amp; you are going to find yourselves bankrupt.
    sounds like it would be best if you weren't their secretary and you need to let your hubby deal with it his way. He prob prefers to do most of the work because he knows it will get done. Its a new business so you should expect issues like this.
    Stop working for them. Eventually this is going to put a great strain on your marriage and is it really worth it? If you can't separate yourself you may think about buying him out.
    if your hubby can make it on his own, dissolve the partnership, and stay in your position. If that isn't possible, you better start looking for a new job, and then, someone to take your place. Most times, the wife isn't the perfect person for an administrative position, too many ties.... Or, you might want to hang on.....doesn't sound like the ';partnership'; between hubby and best friend will last much longer.
    let yuor husband handle it.he is his partner and you are just a secretary.worry about secretary stuff like having his coffee ready and keeping tp stocked in the bathroom.
    Let your man deal with it, you will just end up getting in the midle of something that is not your deal. If you can't hang and let them work out their own bugs, let them get a new secretary.

    Feminists: How would you deal with your husband if he watched degrading porn which may cost you your job?

    Or could it be that a certain feminist politician is trying to pin it on her husband when it was her all along? lolFeminists: How would you deal with your husband if he watched degrading porn which may cost you your job?
    A couple of years ago she tried to ban pole dancing clubs as they are degrading to women,but apparently hardcore porn and fake expenses claims is OkayFeminists: How would you deal with your husband if he watched degrading porn which may cost you your job?
    No problem with the porn - just the fact that she claimed it on expenses along with tons of other stuff.
    She ought to divorce his butt!
    I'd suggest he's a fall guy... anything but her take responsibility for her attempts at fraud.
    Of course it was her.





    It's such a womans thing to watch tv porn like that. Men would just search for it on the internet.
    id stand by him but tell him how i felt make sure he repayed the cash then move on just like everyoe else should .......cose most men watch porn and so do some women we all make mistakes ......i hope he had a good w a n k have you seen the stae of her ..cant falt him
    I'm sorry, but exactly what does a husband's television and movie viewing choices have to do with the wife's politics? Since when is a woman responsible for her spouces life choices? And what is so degrading about porn anyway? I 'd rather my guy watch porn than go visit hookers
    I think it was probably her 14 year old son. And her husband is doing the honourable thing by protecting them both.





    However, I can't see why any well paid politician (and all politicians are well paid), should need to claim 'expense's' for the internet/TV, or anything else for that matter. They earn far more than the majority of the people who actually pay their wages. They should get a grip and pay their way, just as everyone else does - out of their pay.





    Then again, perhaps she's addicted to porn, and that she feels guilty in her pleasures, so takes an 'anti' stance when she is 'working'....maybe she's even doing 'business' for research 'purposes'. Perhaps that's why she wasn't at home at the time the films were purchased?
    No problem at all. We equally enjoy porn as entertainment, so there is


    absolutely no reason for my husband to hyde it from me. Now, how could it cost me my job, if I am the boss to begin with? Do you even take time to read the things you write on here? Because it makes no sense at all to the rest of us.
    Actually its nice to know our Politicians are human after all, frankly they do work hard and in our society especially, they are held very accountable on their watch. Regardless of whether its her, husband or both of them, like everybody else, they do need to relax and unwind and if this is the way they do, why not, they are human and need to live like other humans too. Lets give them a break here, I think she,s actually sexy in a cuddly sort of way and she,s got a nice smile as well, and good to know they are not past it yet.
    I am not a feminist. I don't know why whatever my husband choose to watch would have any effect on my job. If he really wanted to watch porn and it was not an addiction I would have no problem with it.
    may well have been the husband being a fall guy

    How do I deal with a husband addicted to porn?

    I am 7 mos preg and my husband won't come to bed. He spends all night looking up porn. i told him it bothers me yet he continues to do it anyway. I am trying to deal with this 3 kids and a family member dying of lung cancer. I am lost and I don't know what to do.How do I deal with a husband addicted to porn?
    Of course men are going to defend him. They don't have to deal with 3 kids and be 7 months pregnant.





    Your husband is being extremely selfish and what I would do if I were you is unplug the GD internet if he is going to be like that. That is just wrong. I don't mind my husband looking at porn but he respects me if I tell him I would rather him not. He would give it all up for me if I asked him to. You really need to think about what needs to be done. If he is spending hours on the Internet ignoring his pregnant wife, then he has a serious problem. Sounds like he needs some help. He is unconcerned about your feelings and is just plain cruel to do this while your are pregnant and probably feeling less feminine anyway. Tell him he needs to respect your need for him to spend more time with you and less time on the internet or else. You deserve better. There are plenty of men out there that would gladly come to bed with his wife. Give him an ultimatum. Good luck hun and congrats on the baby.How do I deal with a husband addicted to porn?
    I have a husband who tells me he thinks of sex every three seconds. LOL The only reason he gets on the computer is to look at porn and sometimes tries to get me to look too. I accepted his behavior, it really didn't bother me, gave him some time, and guess what...He hardly ever looks now. However, if your husband is choosing porn over you...His wife, mother of his children and well ';the real thing'; then I would definately suggest counseling.
    Now I found pregnant women very sexy. If I was him, I would stop looking at the porn and focus only on YOU....
    hey Heather. great question. thank you.








    i think david gave you some great advice but your man has to be willing to take it.





    Porn is like booze. it takes more and more and the person it's taking from can't see it.





    God is always near. maybe your man will not see the problem?





    God does. ask him for help.'


    start going to a decent church. again, God will show you.





    get with some lady friends who can support you. not guys but ladies.








    pray first for yourself to be more like God. then pray for your man. ask God to help him.








    it willnot be easy cuz porn does not like to let it's men go easily but if you fight and have support, you may win your man back.








    blessing and hope you have an other beautiful kid.








    frankie chocolate
    Me and my hubby watches porn, and a lot of it, but if I felt uncomfortable with it, he would have to respect that or someone else would. Try watching it with me. Tell him that ya'll will watch it together maybe 2 or 3 times a week, just to even thing out and share in his entertainment, but watching porn should should be a mutual decision, therefore if he still continues to put this sexual addiction before you then it's time to leave, Good Luck!!!!!
    ask him why he is looking up for porn? is there anything troubling him? if no help at all, ask for profesional help like a counselor or something..
    Good place to start is the following web site :





    http://www.purelifeministries.org/index.cfm?pageid=142





    Read the stories of some of these women ... this is a very common sense and honest ministry to men and women and their spouses who are affected by the terrible effects of porn addiction.





    Good Luck ...
    forget about it





    all men look at porn





    what is the big deal
    Seek Marriage and Grief counseling to help you deal with both issues you are facing currently....





    Give your husband a choice either the porn or the marriage?


    He has to pay a lot of child support? this may make him think twice..





    Also your husband must commit to counseling for his addition, do this first along with the marriage counseling before you even bring up divorce..





    Best of luck, Congrats on the baby, and I am sorry about your loss...
    Stop trying to change his behavior.....it is none of your business! You need to pay attention to what YOU are doing, sweetie! You made a poor choice for a husband and then, to top it off, you get pregnant! You need to seek out a good counselor.....you need it bad! Now go do the right thing!
    What's wrong with porn? You resent that your husband is sexual?
    Remember he is dealing with the same amount of pressure as you are. Maybe he does it to alleviate some stress. Things could be worse. What if he had to drink too much or even worse get hooked on drugs to unwind.





    Don’t get me wrong I am not say what he is doing is right but we all have our different ways of dealing with stress.





    Good Luck and all of the best :-)
    Can you spell D-I-V-O-R-C-E ??? What an insensitive *** !! And you have a 4 th baby on the way with him. WOW !! You can do so much better girl....find a man that truly loves you and puts you at the top of his priority list or just stay single. It is much better to be alone and feel lonely than to be with a man and feel all alone !!!
    File for divorce...you think it's bad now wait until those internet pictures become real women!
    If he won't stop it even though he knows you hate him doing it, then I suggest taking drastic action like getting rid of the computer. He is being very selfish and uncaring by keeping on doing this even though he knows it is distressing you.
    he obviously doesnt care about you or he would be helping you. Leave him and take him to the bank with child support..that will get his attention.
    get rid of him and collect the child support
    watch it with him
    My guess is your feeling insecure about your body right now and thats why it is bothering you so much. Maybe he won't come to bed because he is afraid having sex might hurt the baby. So he is relieving himself that way. Talk to him and ask. Its the only way you are going to find out. My guess is after the baby is born, he will be looking at you instead of the sites all the time.
    any addiction that causes problems in your relationship is a problem





    Seek professional help
    While you are busy taking care of real life, you husband is in fantasy land. Pack up and go before you have the next baby.


    Do you want your sons to think that behavior is ok???


    I wish you luck
    what is it exactly that you do or dont want him to do ? i nmean you want him to stop watching completely or you dont mind if nhe watches you just need him to help out a little more especially with all the happenings in your life? bottom line nothings going to change if you dont bring it to his attention let him know how you feel and that right now you need his support and that if he could not consume all his time into porn but focus more on the issues at hand
    How is him watching porn affecting all that other stuff going on? If he watched porn when you met him maybe you should not have got married.
    He thinks there are no consequences. You need to have a talk with him about all the things that can come of his actions:


    A waste of time he could be using to make your lives better.


    Less desire for you.


    Less desire you have for him.


    More susceptible to affairs (Both of you).


    Enlarged Prostate.


    More money in the pockets of jerks that disrespect women.


    A separation by guilt between him and God.





    It hurts more things than he thinks. Tell him to look at the big picture, from Gods perspective.
    I could tell you how i dealt with this similar thing, but the link below has a number of people who are going thorough it as well.
    try looking up porn for yourself. and see how it makes him feel. man of different colour or big man..











    and take it from there...
    If you are willing to perform oral sex while he looks at the porn then it will solve this problem. I was in a situation like this and that kind of solved the problem. although it was never a problem to begin with for us.

    How to seduce my husband?

    So this is the deal. My husband and I have been separated, only for about a week. He has been mad at me, but tomorrow being our anniversary decided he wants to take me out to dinner, not to ruin everything. He isn't talking about ultimately splitting, but he hasn't been sleeping at the house. I was thinking of trying to hook up with him, but don't know how to get him to want to. I am afraid he won't even enter the house when he picks me up or drops me off, so I want to know ways to get him into the house and more!!How to seduce my husband?
    Don't push it. Be respectful. He is obviously hurting right now. If he wants to be affectionate, go for it. But if it doesn't seem like he will be receptive to you, then don't bother. No point in trying and then getting all upset if he doesn't. Just take things as they come, if it happens it happens. Just focus on being there for him.How to seduce my husband?
    Hi Sara,





    Obviously I do not know the root of your current problems, however you were attracted to each other, and you have shared love and intimacy and so you can again.





    Obviously you will make an effort to look your best as I hope your husband will too. Be gentle respectful and totally honest with him. Apologise if you are genuinely sorry and tell him how you feel about him.





    Couples mainly have problems because they don't comunicate honestly and.effectively.





    Treat it like a date, have fun, don't be too heavy, key into what attracts you to him, and tell him that you love and want him if you genuinely do.





    Good luck and kind regards,





    Jon
    sprinkle rose pedals in your bedroom on the floor, bed, basically all over your room, light candles all over your room and bathroom, do not use electricity USE CANDLES buy some sexy outfist to give him a strip dance in also pierce your navel and buy a belly ring with his name in it, then either before or after you go eat, ask him to talk to you about your marriage tell him you are over the separation thing and that you need him and you want to fix your marriage tomorrow, but tonight you want to give him a nice long bath give him a strip show that will give strippers a run for their money (maybe a massage if he's lucky), and in return you want him to passionately make love to you
    QUESTION 1. WHERE HAS HE BEEN SLEEPING? AND HE WILL ENTER THE HOUSE IF YOU DON'T WALK OUT TO THE CAR. ACTUALLY, I WOULD HAVE HIM COME TO THE DOOR AND WHEN HE COMES, YOU SHOULD HAVE ON SOMETHING REALLY SEXY BUT ALSO SOMETHING YOU CAN WEAR OUT. MAKE HIM WANT YOU, MAKE HIM NOT WANT TO GO OUT TO DINNER BUT INSTEAD SPEND THAT TIME WITH YOU. MOST WOMEN SEEM TO FORGET THAT MEN LOVE TO LOOK AT A SEXY WOMAN AT ANY AGE.


    2. WHERE HAS HE BEEN SLEEPING?
    When he drops you off, if he makes no move to come in, smile and ask him if he'd like to come in for a nightcap. If things have been going well, ask him if he'd like to come in for ';dessert.'; Chances are, he won't say no! That's probably what he's hoping for. Good luck!
    when he drops you off tell him you had a great time. if he says he did too, then maybe try to kiss him. if he kisses back, thats a good sign. ask him in for a drink- if he says yes, bonus. then, talk to him about something with a very ';Deep Conversation'; - flirt with him. kiss him. take him up to your room.





    im not prepared to go into anymore detail.





    lol





    hope this helps.
    Footies during dinner.


    Wear shoes that are easy to slip off %26amp; on.





    If he packed up and left and the reason wasn't no sex... you need to address that reason first or he will likely resent the attempt to use sex to control his behavior.


    He'll still have the sex, he'll just hate you for it instead of love you.
    Do you think hooking up with him will save your marriage? Is the reason he wants a divorce because of sex? Unless it is, I don't see how it will change anything. And, if you do hook up and he still ends up wanting a divorce, you'll just feel used.
    Invite him in for coffee but crack a bottle of wine instead. Let him have two glasses and and say ';Why don't you stay here because two glasses of wine might get you stopped on the way home';. Worth a try.
    Here's the key, don't speak, get naked, and cook him food when he gets home from work. Oh, and don't drive.
    a ,am will never say to no pu*sy
    When he comes to the door act as if you are not ready. Open the door and hussel around a bit. Act as if you are nervous. Tell him you are not ready yet and could he please wait in a seat. Whatever you answer the door in, plan to change it. Go back to your room and keep talking and apologizing for your untimely readiness. When he can't hear so well he might get up and try to answer more closely. Now to scenarios may happen; 1, when he is walking to answer you he will get a glimpse of you undressed and invite himself in, and if so just do what comes natural. Don't spoil it with talking. 2. He stays in the seat and just gives you straight answers, in that case, you walk out with either a dress that needs to be zipped in the back or that is backless. Now if it needs to be zipped you ask him to help you with the zipper and if it is backless you ask if he likes it and show him that interesting feature. The important thing is that you catch his eye as he is staring at your back. He needs to know that you want him to so show him seductively with a look. You are no done yet. as you walk around keep you back to him so he can see your curves with every step.





    He is going to want to dominate because he is mad at you. Giving him a peek at you back will awaken an animal that wants to dominate. Allow him that pleasure.





    Enjoy

    How do I deal with husband that may be depressed, just lost his job due to company closing,also on probation.?

    Hubby went to work on Fri to find everything locked up. We knew company was closing but no date given,however rumors at work had been they would shut doors end of month leaving everyone with no insurance. Hubby has been acting increasingly more depressed as the month went along. No patience for anyone especially our 7 yr old son, who has some special needs and is ADHD. He sleeps all the time or else doesn't sleep at nite. Has mood swings, like last week went from yelling,cursing at me and wanting a divorce,coming home and telling our son he is moving out(even though he has no money),next day he is fine kids are asking what is wrong with him that he acts so strange. Next day he has a DR appt and it is taking g forever so he texts me and tells me and tells me he loves me, first time in over a week. He acts like Dr Jekyll/Mr Hyde.


    I need to add that he has been clean since Feb,going to NA meetings, a court ordered IOP submits to random drug testing(he has to go today), and was sentenced 5-4-09 to 3 years probation for embezzling money to support a coke habit I new nothing about. He did this before we were married, during a period we had broke up. After his Mom died, his only parent because his dad walked out when he was a baby and he never knew him.


    I do not know who or where to turn to get some support and help in this situation. All I know is he needs help, NOW. He is court ordered to have a psyche eval, which is not even scheduled yet. He only sees a counselor twice a month which is not enough. Counselor cannot talk to me. So I sit here feeling lost not knowing what to do. Feeling like I have to be the one to keep everything going,and run interference. Yet I am the one on disability due to severe back injuries from a car accident, along with a mental illness and other things.


    How do I get him to take a shower, eat, take his medications(he is diabetic) like he should. Just care about himself first and then his family. This is tearing me up inside, I see how despondent he is, and I see how it is affecting our kids.How do I deal with husband that may be depressed, just lost his job due to company closing,also on probation.?
    This is going to seem harsh, so I apologize ahead of time, but.....All I hear is you making excuses for a loser junkie criminal who treats his family like crap. At the end of the day, it's all about the choices we make. Maybe if he had made better choices in his life he wouldn't be where he is now. And that brings us to your choices......How do I deal with husband that may be depressed, just lost his job due to company closing,also on probation.?
    Throw his druggie butt out and tell him to get a job.
    You need to sit down with him and tell him in order to get through all the problems that you need to talk to each other and figure out a plan of action. If you work together then you have someone to depend on. You also point out what he is doing to his children, and tell him he knew how bad it is not having a father, and the way he is acting is like not having a father for the kids. Communication is the best way to handle any problem. I also think that you should go to open meetings at NA and listen to what some of the people have to talk about. You will understand the addiction better if you know that some times it is a real struggle not to use when you are having such a terrible period in your life. If you understand this problem then you can understand him better.
    So i think there is narcotics anon for the families too if you look for it.....they would be better trained to help you...protect your family and maybe down the line he will get it together...i know it's not all his fault but some of it is and you need to protect yourself and your family first...

    How do you deal with husband turning down sex?

    My hubby doesnt seem to want it as much as I do. We are in a happy marriage otherwise.





    I feel very let down when he refuses (even though he is not rude). Sometimes, even wearing sexy clothes or trying to seduce him doesnt work. Thats when I feel most dissapointed!





    Who said 'Men are always ready to have sex, thats the only thing on their mind all the time, you just have to seduce them a little'?????





    What do I do? Is he not so interested due to the stress at work? Low testosterone?





    Any idea?!!! Thanks.How do you deal with husband turning down sex?
    I lived with the same situation and I understand your frustrations, trust me! My husband claims it was just that... stress, work, lack of sleep, etc and that I shouldn't feel like it's me... but I understand that as a woman, that's all you can feel sometimes - What's wrong with me - Try finding other things that interest you for now and stop being the only one to make an effort. I stopped trying so hard and taking things so personally (trust me it was very difficult) and then all of a sudden my husband couldn't get enough of me.... maybe it was that I had found my own happiness, which in turn changed my whole mood %26amp; outlook on things... Sounds too easy but I swear it worked. I didnt %26amp; dont need him to want me to feel good about myself and that was a hard lesson to learn (dealing without intimacy was VERY hard too). We have turned a corner in our marriage thankfully but it took time and effort on my part for me... not for him! Let him come to you next time, realize what he is missing out on... Good luck!How do you deal with husband turning down sex?
    Funny, I look at all the ladies that answered and because he isn't interested in sex...he's cheating..... But when it's the lady that isn't taking care of her husband like she should be..... it's still his fault for wanting sex.... and then when he does cheat..... he's the SOB....... Sounds like your handling obtaining what you need by yourself.... talk with him and see if it improves..... if it doesn't then that how it's going to be.... you'll have two choices..... accept it and take care of your self, like your doing, or get out of the relationship and find what you need.........
    sounds like a real problem .suggest that he gets his area looked at. sometimes prostate problems can lead to low sex drive. he also may be getting it elsewhere you should look into that. good luck.
    Don't let it get to you for starters. Don't go out of your way either to get his attention.
    Get him to a doctor. Diabetes is an insidious disease that affects desire, performance, and especially Judgment. Judgment about what is the best course of action goes out the window. Make sure they do the full work up with the glucose tolerance test. Diabetes is not one disease... it's a category. There is no substitute for a good doctor visit. He could have other problems as well. Get the man to a doctor.
    Stress can be a part of it, or maybe he is just tired. Weird? Yes but not uncommon. Talk to him about it and see what he says. I find it kinda strange that even u seducing him is not working hmmmmm I'd question that one?!





    Looks like u've tried now u have to see what is going on in his mind!
    Don't go after it, I stoped, and it seemed like when i ';wasnt in the mood'; type thing, I got it more often... Some guys are weird, because most guys i know are pretty much sex addicts. So i really thought there was something wrong when my man wasnt like that...


    So I pretty much, would dress , casually sexy, so it was like i wasnt going out of my way, you know, something subtle, and would entice, with out actually being sexual about it. ? i know it doesnt make sence but Most of the time it works. Sort of a reverse phycology deal...


    Another thing is stress. so start out with things you know help him get stress free, such a back rub or rub his hair, hit a few of his ';spots'; and try and make it a relaxing thing, and then when you got him good and going, walk away, like your tired or just going to lounge around like on the bed or couch or anything else...For what ever the two of you are doing, such a watching tv or something... GOOD LUCK%26lt; i know its frustrating.
    hes cheating on you. if hes not getting it from YOU then hes getting it somewhere else.
    Wow, I'd like for my wife to take lessons from you.


    If your marriage is otherwise happy, could it be stress? Performance issue?


    Try surprising him with something new. A different time of day or a new outfit. If you exhaust these suggestions without success, it's time he is honest with you and let you know what's going on.


    Good luck.
    men go thru phases just like women do. could be any of a long list of things. you say you're in a happy marriage, are you sure he's happy with the marriage? people some times forget their spouse may not feel the same as they do about their relationship
    OK first of all sex is a psychological thing Lol, if you want him to have sex with you don't even bother seducing him, what you need to do is play mind games with him, men are not as clever as they think they are Lol i should no i am a man, anyway men are paranoid always are, so what you do is you set up an affair lol don't go for a real one just a fake one, get one of your gf's to pretend to be a bloke your seeing and before you go to sleep get her to msg you, he will ask who is that as it intrigues men, if he thinks your having an affair then he will up his game as he thinks if he doesn't perform then you will get it elsewhere, so then you will be getting better sex lol cos he will think he is trying to keep you,
    I run to my drawer...and get some of my toys out. I know he loves me and I'm certain he finds me attractive, but I also know he's not getting any younger (he's much older than me), and sometimes everyday life pressures, work, family, etc., do get to him.
    Rule out any medical issues first.





    Then the next time you dress up sexy and he politely turns you down, go into your drawer and take out you vibrator and give him a sexy show. At the very least you will get oof, he will get an enjoyable interlude. My guess is he will want to help out and join you.
    Well is there something else going on? Is he stressed at work? Are finances a problem? Kids in the way? What does he say is wrong? You need to talk to him. And I think sometimes when we ';expect'; something from someone such as you wearing the lingerie, the other person feels pressured. Why not go to dinner and just talk and hang out? Listen to him. See where his head is at. Try being a better friend to him and see if he doesn't come around. Good luck.
    Maybe you have some unresolved issues between each other that may be getting in the way. If he is dwelling on past issues. having sex with you just might be the last thing on his mind. I think you should try to talk him and see if there is anything he wants to talk about regarding your marriage.
    maybe he's cheating on you?
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