How to deal with racist husband?

My husband is pretty racist. I know that it's pretty much human nature to have prejudices, and I'm not perfect. I have them too. But I never make overtly racist comments or assume really bad things about a person just based on their race.





I know this is a very delicate subject, so I hope I don't offend anyone on here. Here's the deal: my husband is white. He grew up in a lower-income neighborhood where Hispanics were 80% of the population. I grew up in an affluent (mostly) white neighborhood. Where I come from, pretty much everyone is motivated, educated, and financially successful regardless of their ethnicity. We both have friends of other races but mine are closer friends than his are.





When we go out to the store, he starts making comments about hispanics being ';trashy'; and ';dirty'; because they ';let their kids run wild all over the store';. I try pointing out that I've seen plenty of white people's kids misbehaving, but he won't agree. It's just little comments like that... but they really bother me and really offend me. If I try to disagree he gets angry and tells me that I'm not living in the real world and I don't know what hispanics are ';really'; like since I don't know as many as he does.





Similarly with blacks, he says that they're ';lazy'; and ';shady';. He tries to justify it by saying he knows there are exceptions but that in ';general'; that's how they are. Whenever he sees a positive attribute from a minority, he believes it's very individual to that person and situation-specific. Whenever he sees a negative attribute, he believes it to be further proof.





I'm really frustrated. I understand we have different backgrounds and experiences, but we end up fighting over this a lot. I just want to know if there's a certain way I can deal with this when it comes up? Arguing my case never really works.





I think he's aware of his prejudice... but he finds it justifiable. So without arguing my point on why he ';shouldn't'; think a certain way, is there a more effective way I could handle this? How do you make someone become less racist?How to deal with racist husband?
Man - it's tough. Racists can be pretty hardcore. They're just stupid, scared people - and they say stupid things... Nothing you can do except remain frustrated.





I once knew a psychiatrist who had to deal with a lot of strange people, and I asked him what he did when he ran into a delusional psychotic person... he said that he argued with them - he pointed out where their delusions were nonsense. So I guess you could keep trying that route. But it's hard to have a member of your family be delusionally hateful toward anybody. Race is SO STUPID and meaningless as a measure of a man.How to deal with racist husband?
He believes what he believes. All you can do is try to not be drawn in. Statistically speaking, more blacks and hispanics have been harmed by whites than whites by blacks and hispanics. Not saying that to promote racism, but to point out statistics.
You seem to be a normal couple. I'm sure other races put down different people as well. As for his rants, stand your ground but don't let this destroy your marriage. You said he does have some non-white friends, so he isn't exactly a bad guy.
SOME people who come from deprived areas have less of an education and have travelled less than those who come from wealthier homes. It can leave SOME of them with a very narrow scope. No excuse for not foing anything about it now though.
You better tell him to keep that mouth SHUT when he in public cause people aren't scared to whoop his azz.
Why you married him if you are so different is quite puzzling.
Send him over by my house ill straighten him out.
ROFL, thi sis beyond hilarous


thank you
Well you married him, so what does this make you?
shut up you stupid wench.
That's a tough one. I know my mom, she exhibits similar prejudice towards Black people. I try to tell her that not all Black people are the same. She says there's exceptions to the stereotypes too to justify her general view.





It's hard. I don't want to tell you to divorce him. Have you thought about going to family counseling?
I am sure you will hate this answer or find some way to nullify what is stated. Yet read on. Look, hubby has a right to be as much of what you think is a bigot as he wishes to be. It does not need condoned or justified by him or to him. It is his right to view others as he wishes. It is your right to not have the same view. But maybe he is not wrong. Just because you are uncomfortable with his views or do not share them does not make him incorrect or in need of changing.





Now, something that many never bother to see is just why people like your husband have the views they have. Well, in part because they are realistic. Sure, we can all see people of every race, creed, ethnic background and of course, both sexes who are useless and unworthy to be spit upon. But that does not change the fact that some ethnic or racial groups seem to have much more patience or tolerance for leaching or for bad or criminal behavior. To see that does not indicate your husband is a racist, it indicates he is simply unwilling to give into to political correctness in order to please others or to be viewed as enlightened.





You think me just as your husband is I am sure. Frankly, I take no offense at that whatsoever. I see people for who they are, based upon how they act, how they speak and so forth as well as what they condone or support. So, it is fair to make many assumptions when you see large numbers of the same group following the same path or same line of thought. To my view, that is merely what your husband is doing. Remember, stereotypes do have a large basis in fact. No amount of wishing that was false will make it false.





Give hubby some credit. He may be more right then you want to believe or give him credit for.
The best way to handle this situation is to tell your husband to voice his negative opinions about other races, in a public setting and tell him to speak loud and clear enough for the targets of his verbal assaults to perceive and quit running his mouth in private, where he's unable to receive knuckle sandwiches.
He is who he is, and you can't ';make'; him change. In fact, the more you argue with him and make him wrong for thinking the way he does, the more defensive he gets and the more motivated he is to justify his beliefs. Its become a battleground between you, and he doesn't want to lose the fight.





So you have a choice to make -- stop taking his racist comments to heart, laugh them off and focus on his good points as a human being (he must have some positive personal attributes, after all, you fell in love with him and married him, right?) Maybe -- just maybe -- if you stop fighting with him about his intolerance and just let his comments slide, stop putting him on the defensive, he'll gradually be able to let go of some of his bigoted attitudes without feeling like he's giving in to your demands.





Or if his remarks bother you and offend you THAT much -- divorce his bigoted, racist, narrowminded azz and find a more tolerant and accepting man.





Your choice.