Monday, August 16, 2010

How do I deal with husband's anger issues and low frustration tolerance?

My husband has had ';anger issues'; from the time he was a child. His father was verbally abusive and a severe alcoholic. My mother-in-law's second husband is also verbally and emotionally abusive. My mother-in-law walks on eggshells around him and won't do anything that will potentially upset him (like have holiday meals at her house, visit her out-of-state family, go to the movies with a friend, etc). She's always lived her life in this type of prison and is miserable. I refuse to be like her, however I'm realizing that my husband has turned out much like both his dad and stepdad (though my husband doesn't drink). My husband's anger issues are not a secret to anyone who knows him. It's very unpredictable what will set him off. My son and I avoid anything that we think might set him off, but it can be very random. Recently, my son and I spent several days at my sister's house out of town (2 hours away). My husband came to be with us on the 4th day and was to stay the night and spend the next day with us (a holiday). We ate lunch with him and my sister's family and then he took a nap on the sofa, while my sister and I took our kids to the mall (which husband hates). After about an hour, I got a phone call from husband stating he's driving home because he's ';bored'; and mad we left him. We were gone less than 2 hours and had the entire night planned to spend with him (dinner and a football game). I thought it was very rude of him to leave like that, but didn't say anything as I knew it would start an argument (which I've learned it's better to just not provoke, even if I AM upset about something, I don't usually say so). He has a great way of turning things around on ME, which he did this time as well. He went on about how I shouldn't have gone off b/c he was looking forward to seeing us, etc. Still, I thought he was napping and knew he didn't enjoy shopping. I didn't see the big deal, nor did my sister and her family. No one knew why he left and it was very uncomfortable for me. If he were to ever hit me, I'd leave him in a heartbeat. I hate to leave, as my son does love him and I worry that we would not be better off without how. Some days I wonder though. What would you do?How do I deal with husband's anger issues and low frustration tolerance?
Stay with him and you will turn into the kind of prisoner his mother is. You already are changing, you said it yourself that you will avoid anything that you know sets him off. In fact, you're not only doing it to yourself, you're doing it to your son. Sounds like he is an insecure controller that has you and you son walking on the same eggshells as his father and step- father has his mother walking on. Look at his mother and see yourself in a few years.How do I deal with husband's anger issues and low frustration tolerance?
not much of a husband or father is he? what a waste of two getting together and trying to make a life,,, feel sorry for you, hope you can come out ahead on this travesty,
if i were you, I would ask him ';Do you really love me?'; and if he says yes I love you... Then i would say if you love me then you will get some help and maybe get on some med to contorl the anger problems

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