Wednesday, August 18, 2010

How to deal with husband who has been brainwashed by his work colleague?

My husband has recently started a new job and has become friendly with a man who is deeply religious. This man invited us as a family (my husband, myself and our two young kids) to the church that he goes to and I could just tell that alot of the people there have 'painted on eyes', so I told my husband that I don't want to go back (I usually work on a sunday morning and don't want to give that up) and I don't want my kids going there either. Anyway last week I wasnt rosterd on to work and my husband was trying to get me to go to church to which I said no, and took the kids out so they could play, but he still continued to go and I just today (several days after) found out that he took money out of our account to give to the church! I feel like he is being brainwashed and I have asked him to not go there anymore, but he is very stubborn and says he wants me to give him till the end of this year to prove to me that it's for the better. He is a very turbulent person, I have been married to him for 7 years and with him for 11 and he has caused alot of stress in our relationship because of his 'personal battles' and gotten sacked from his jobs several times over the last 5 years... I have considered leaving him but I do still love him very much and don't want to disrupt my childrens lives. Any advice?How to deal with husband who has been brainwashed by his work colleague?
Okay here. I can already see that your husband likes to try new things. That's okay honey. Don't leave him. He's not being brainwashed. He probably just finds that if he goes to church maybe he'll become a better family person. It's okay if you don't wanna go, just don't force HIM not to. He's not your kid, he's a grownup and he can take care of himself. He can decide what he wants to do. I'm sure you have every right to leave him, but think a little bit, he just wants to try it out, there's no reason not to go right? Maybe he even likes it and he wants your family to go to experience some things you haven't before. You love him, so please accept him for who he is. Talk to him, tell him, it's okay if he wants to donate money, but please talk to you first. Compromise and your life will be happier :)How to deal with husband who has been brainwashed by his work colleague?
Okay.





I'm not sure what you mean by ';painted on eyes'; but what I would do is go to the church. The more you tell your husband not to go, he will go in spite of you. Tell your husband you will try the church for a month, and anytime you find you disagree with this church's teachings, get out a bible and show him where they're wrong, or if there teachings are fake.
if it is a church grounded in the word of God they wouldn't ask or even expect money from your husband, a guest.


he has the right to worship as he pleases, this is still America. if you work sunday mornings then why do you care if your kids are in sunday school? what have you got to offer them on Sunday mornings?
I think i get where your coming from. Your husband is stubborn. U don't want him going to that church. It sounds like your intuition is guiding u to say this. That's what i say to. I do not think he should be giving money out to the church especially if he don't have it.
it sounds like he needs strength. the church as his shoulder to lean on. if he's unstable with jobs, he may have had an unstable upbringing. if this doesn't involve too much money, wait it out and see where it goes. it may help him to get some faith right now.
What exactly goes on at the church that is so bad? And how much money are you talking about? You say how bad he is, but yet when he maybe has found something to help make him a better person, you wont even give it a chance?
my advice is to keep separate bank accounts - in a different bank.





your husband wasnt brainwashed. he's always been this way.
Okay I am not a fan of christianity but... I had a friend many years ago that like to give money to her church. She and her hubby had only been married for like two years and they were having a tough time money wise but he earned enough to pay the bills and take care of my friend and their kid.





Well my friend began to give more and more money to the church behind her man's back. She drove them into bankruptcy and they lost their home, car... just everything. It as awful. He depended on her to pay the bills and such while he worked out of town during the week.





At this church they told her that if she gave more that ';the Lord'; would reward her 7 times more. So she was giving so much that they lost all they had.





They nearly divorced over this... he was so angry at her. They are still together but he has never let her deal with the money in the house again.





It is nice that your man is trying to find a path but you keep an eye on this. Don't let him do to you what my friend did to her family. Good Luck.
I wish I knew what painted on eyes were.





If I were you, the first thing I would do is demand that he not give money to the church from your joint account without talking to you first. Second, I would demand that you two attend counseling so you can come to some sort of compromise on this. If he gets really into church and you don't, I don't see how your marriage can survive. Can you imagine what the kids are going to go through with you trying to keep them at home and him trying to get them to go to church?
Yes, chill out. He has been reasonable asking you to give him time. Church is usually a stabilizing influence in a person's life. In that sense, you should be welcoming this change in his thinking. Maybe you think he will ask you to conform to some religious ideas - instead of acting like a rebel, pull yourself up to his standards as long as they are not ridiculously extreme.


You say he is a very turbulent person. What if this has the effect of changing that? It can make you nervous because you're used to trying to deal with one kind of attitude coming from him. This is not a dangerous change, I don't think; he may end up being a better father and a better husband.


You reacted strongly to his taking money to give to the church. Instead, discuss the amount of money he should be giving to the church. It's called a tithe and it's like 'dues' to keep the church running and for the church to perform charitable works. All members of a congregation tithe. It's not strange. It's also not a waste of money.
First, you give all the ';unloveable'; things about him. Then, you say you still love him. Why do you love him? What's to love?





Could it be that you don't really love HIM, you just love LOVE? Or, you just love being part of a family as wife and mother - even with an incompatible partner? You made your choice early on. Now, you're stuck with your choice. Or, take the consequences of changing your life by separation or divorce.





You can't have both an incompatible husband with the family life AND complete satisfaction. It's too late - unless you can tolerate upheaval.

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