How to deal with husband's ex-wife?

My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. He is divorced and has 3 children with his ex-wife. Their ages are 16,13,and 10. I always wanted children of my own and he also wanted children we could raise together full time, since he only has rights every other weekend. Together we have a 2 1/2 yr old, a 1 yr old and another on the way. I've always wanted a large family and it seems to be working just that way. We love all of our kids. When I first met my husband I could tell his ex still had quite the say in his life. She would tell him what to do and what not to do and he would just listen. After we got married she kind of laid off. We seemed to get along just great. I enjoy her kids and helped make sure they were well taken care of while they were at our house. She once told me she admired that about me. The only thing I noticed about her is that she liked to brag. She always has to have what we have, plus. She was dating a man for a long time before I met my husband. When we got married, she got married. Also material things she had to have. I know her husband and her make quite a bit more money than we do so I could care less of all the extravagancies that they have. We are happy just the way we are. For about the last year or so she has changed some. All of a sudden she doesn't always let us have the kids. She'll have differents excuses but the kids tell us that she gets mad at their dad because he doesn't do enough with them. If he doesn't leave work early 3 times a week to drive 45 min. to a game for one of them she won't bring them over. If he goes hunting while they hang with me for a day, she won't bring them next time. If the 16 yr old goes to his 18 yr old cousin's house, he can't come over anymore. She wanted him to drive all over this weekend to pick the kids up at various locations and times for one night with them after not seeing them for over a month, and when he responded that he would just pick them up Friday night because we don't have a lot of money right now to be driving all over, she responded ';well, have another kid!'; Anyway, I know this is really long, but it's hard to explain. It just bothers me for some reason, and I wanted some advice. Thanks.How to deal with husband's ex-wife?
sounds like their kids are almost old enough to drive another year or so .....let oldest do the driving to and from and maintain your stance with her . his kids are not little anymore at some point they could leave mom for dad .....it will work out hang in thereHow to deal with husband's ex-wife?
Your situation sounds exactly like the situation with my husband and his ex-wife. My husband had joint custody (the boys are now 20 %26amp; 23) which meant they were at our house 2 nights a week and every other weekend. She was fine as long as she gets her way for everything. When I came into the picture she didn't like that my husband would not give into all of her demands so she filed for full custody. It backfired and we also learned a lot about what she can/cannot do. She lost custodial custody, it was awarded to my husband. His child support was reduced (he had originally been giving her a few hundred extra each month than what was stipulated) and she had to bring the boys to our house to drop them off by a specified time.


What we learned was: she cannot withhold the children from coming to your house if that is what was in the court order; she also cannot tell your husband what he can and cannot do when the kids are with him as long as the kids are neglected; and, she cannot schedule anything for the kids for the weekends that they are at your house unless you agree.


My suggestion, if this continues, is to file something with the courts and request that a child advocate get involved. The advocate will talk to each of the kids and parents and get an idea of what is really going on.
I kind of see her point in a way, not that she should be using the kids to demonstrate that point. That is completely wrong.





If he is only having his kids every other weekend, then I believe that the time he has them should be spent with them, not hunting. However she is being unreasonable about wanting him to drive all over the place like a taxi etc.





Get him to talk to her, maybe he can go to their games once a week, assure her that when he has them on the weekends he will be the one spening time with them. If he decides they can go visit cousins then that should be fine, as long as there are ground rules for that kind of thing.





This probably isn't the popular answer, but it's my opinion.





Good luck
The only thing your husband can do is make sure the court order states specifically the dates and times and place where the children are to be picked up.





Also, he could request that it's stated that she brings them to his house and he returns them, etc.





Ideally, two parents should be able to work together to come up with a schedule that fits everyone. Unfortunately, this is not how it usually works and in times where parents are resentful, the only thing from protecting your husband from being walked up is to make sure EVERYTHING is in writing.





Legally, she is not allowed to make plans for the children during his court ordered visitation time.
Shes not allowed to with hold the kids from him....its plan and simple. Perhaps he could remind her of her legal obligations for visitation?





There was something I did agree with her about ...........I don't think your husband should go hunting while they are over for a visit, because they are there to spend time with him. Of course this doesn't mean that I agree with her for with holding a visit because of that though..but she does have a point.





Also the kids are getting old enough to have a say in whether they actually WANT to go. So he will need to consider this to.