How to deal with husband who won't help at home?

In an effort to deal with my growing feelings of resentment against my husband, I attempted a new approach. Typically I just bottle my anger up inside me and fume in silence letting it eat away at me. I also discovered that I expect my husband to read my mind and think that he should just ';know'; what to do - e.g. When I'm bringing in the groceries, he can come and help me carry them. When I've just made a big meal of his favorite foods that I worked long at preparing and the kitchen is a mess, he could offer to help clean up instead of mysteriously disappear.





Anyway, my resentment is showing again in those comments, I know, so let me get to the point. I went out on a limb and I kindly and politely asked him if he could regularly help me in the kitchen by emptying the dishwasher. I thought that was a very small task that would actually help me out immensely. I said that I would continue picking up the groceries, making the meals, rinsing the dishes after the meal and putting them in the dishwasher. He laughed through out my request and then came out and said ';no, but I'll think about it over the next six months or so';. Then he managed to turn the tables like usual and make me feel bad for even asking.





Today I am absolutely fuming inside. He just doesn't take me seriously at all. I thought my request was quite reasonable, you know. I would still be doing the majority of the work but at least I would feel like we're working somewhat as a team. I do so many things for him, more out of obligation because we're married rather than actually wanting to do them. Some of his behavior is quite rude and getting worse. If he has garbage, he hands it to me to throw out. If I'm working on something and he needs something, he never asks, he just gives me a command. There is never any please or thank you for anything I do but when he does something for me, I am always polite and thank him because I want to try to model how he could respond to me.





One time years agao I did have enough and I completely blew up at him. I thought that this would come as a huge wake up call for him because that is totally out of character for me. It didn't even phase him, in fact, he told me to ';f-ing shut up.'; I said ';do you know who you're speaking to? That was way over the line.'; Then he was quiet and was all nicey-nicey talking to me but never ever apologized for what he said, but I did because it was eating away at me for what I had said. I told him that I shouldn't have spoken like that and I was sorry it had happened because that was not how I'd been raised.





Anyway, I'm digressing and dredging up all these old situations that cause my blood to boil. Can someone give me some advice on this? Don't I deserve more than this inconsideration? I have tried leaving the housework, not cooking etc. etc. I just doesn't phase him and nothing gets done because he won't pick up the responsibility. So in the end it causes me more work because I'm the one who eventually has to deal with it all.How to deal with husband who won't help at home?
I'm sorry I can't give you any advice that will help you with hubby.I do understand how disappointed you feel, and I don't understand how he can't see it too. You have more than put your fair share in that situation for far to long without respect or even a thank you. Are you sure you want to live the rest of your days waiting on him, doing all the work, without a pittance in return. You are the kind of woman most men dream about having for a wife, but never find. So if you ever plan on getting out of that rut he put you in, let me assure you there are plenty of takers out there that will give you the respect you deserve.





Good Luck - God BlessHow to deal with husband who won't help at home?
If going on strike doesn't phase him, then fine. Cook for yourself, clean up after yourself, do your own laundry and leave his schitt for him to do himself. Basically, treat his azz like a roommate.
if he's such a lazy jerk, and you only do things for him out of obligation, why don't you just leave him?
Well, stop asking him and tell him.
Does he have a job?
Yeah, I'm in the same boat as you. This could be my house, almost word for word. The twist to my story is that yesterday, I caught my ****** of a husband cheating on me. Unfortunately, I don't have an answer for you. Normally, I would have said head for the hills as fast as you can, but I'm finding myself on the fence on staying anyway. How stupid am I? Anyway, to your question. I guess you could ask yourself how important he is to you. Do you have kids, a house, other issues that are important if you were to leave? Are they more important than wanting help from your husband? I think you have to pick a breaking point; you can only tolerate so much for so long. Good luck.
Maybe this would help. Quit expecting him to be like a woman. That seems to be the real reason for the problems. You expect him to ';read your mind, know how you ';feel'; and it just doesn't work that way with us guys...You should ask him, and then later ask him again...not with attitude, lovingly, and then ask again...i know that sounds weird but bear with me...When he does the least little thing, praise him like he moved mountains ( we love that)...He will be more willing to do something again. I ';expect'; something. Guys just aren't ';wired'; that way. If your confrontational, it makes us dig in more. My wife has trained me well. It took 16 years, but she did it. I found myself putting away dishes the other day...and I wait to see if she noticed, she came in clasped my face and said, you're just a great hubby';...hehehe loved it, like a puppy, what can I do now....she still asks 2 maybe three times but not NAGGING ( asking with attitude, you know, rolling the eyes ect...) And I get it done. You really don't know the power a woman holds until you do it right...and realize guys don't think like you.we are not complex...which is what you may think , we are really, really simple, ...perhaps you should change your approach and let me know if it works...
Marriage is a partnership. Is he doing his part providing for you, or do you work also?





If you both work, then you both share the house work also. If only one works, then the other does the house work. It is called division of labor.





At any rate, you have a lot of resentment that indicates you do not feel you have a caring relationship. Also you don't accept him for who he is, you want him to be someone he is not.





You should consider separation and see how you feel after a time apart. I think you will find that once you are separated, you will want to find the person you really want.
WOW: WHAT A LOSER,did he come from cavemen or what?I have been married to the same women for the past 15yrs.,if i even thought about being 1/2 as rude i'd hope she would hit in my head!Have you tried talken to his parents?Maybe there the same.
Nagging won't get thru to his head. Silent treatment is the worst. Not only is it ineffective, it's extremely immature. Men are the same, until you TELL them what to do, they won't budge. So stop trying to 'give him the hint', and spell it out to him just as it is. Don't 'could you please this and that', you're just begging and pleading him. If he cannot show respect to you, return the courtesy. Start buying your own groceries, cook your own meal and do your own laundry. Tell him if he wants a share in all this, start doing it together. Marriage is after all, a partnership. You go thru everything together.
Sit down and talk about the chores and responsibilities around the house. Create a chore list (you don't have to post it or anything) and divide up the chores...





In my house - the rule is - if you cook supper - you don't do the clean up. My husband does the laundry and I do all of the grocery shopping (the two tasks we like least we traded...I hate laundry!) - and so on and so forth...





It will clear the air and set you both on the same page...If he doesn't follow through - remind him - when you've reminded him at least three time - go on strike! One way or another - he'll eventually get the point.
blah buh de f*cking blah.








STOP GIVING HIM SEX WHENEVER HE ASKS FOR IT.





That's all little babies like him understand.








JUST ACTIONS - NO MORE WORDS.





You talk so much he doesn't hear a thing you say. You can't even post here without going off on 3 tangents and then catching yourself going off on 3 tangents and still yapping even more.








NO MORE WORDS. ACTION. Which means for you NO MORE P*SSY until he starts helping on a consistent basis.





So you don't have sex for a month or two. Hell most women can do that standing on their heads. He MUST be taught a lesson. DO YOU HAVE THE NERVE TO DO IT? Probably not.





Either grow a backbone and stop the flow of free p*ssy or SHUT UP ABOUT IT. Geezus!
Though I think your husband is being an ***, I think you're taking it all a lot more seriously than is necessary. Do the dishes when you feel like it, and don't get so worked up over it. Ask him for help one task at a time, and don't expect him to do it as you would or on your time frame.





I think you married a jerk, but your resentment is all on you.
This will take planning. What you do, is you set up a teeny, tiny task that's right in his way, and if he doesn't do it, it delays or prevents something he wants. For example, ';Would you please put the forks, knives, and spoons at our places for dinner. I've got to watch this frying pan every second so the food doesn't burn.'; If he gives you static, let the food burn while you place the silverware. You can give him the blackest portion.





My husband has begun washing the pots and pans after meals. He does this because the detergents make my fingers crack and bleed. I make sure to tell him frequently how much I appreciate his doing that. I load the dishwasher and empty it afterward.
He wanted a maid or a second mommy to take care of him and you are. Why should he change. But I bet you saw all this before you were married didn't you? But now you know he won't change, he laughs at a simple request and you are dying inside, you can't even find that love you once felt for him, it is already gone. Time to get out of it. You can't carry the load like that. Any man worth a hoot would have at least pitched in when you were unloading about helping instead of laughing at you. He has bullied you down, abused you mentally and you just threw out a life line for help. Here it is, get out, you can do better and you deserve better, but you won't get it from him. If you have more questions write me.
Sounds like my husband. lol He is like that too- I love him to death, but he just feels that it is my job to do everything in the home while he goes and works. I understand that and took that responsiblity..but now we have a new baby and all my work seems to have doubled!


It is very hard to manage EVERYTHING in your home and take care of him too!


Next time he demands you to do something while you are busy just say, ';I am sorry, my hands are full at the moment. I can help you in 5 minutes.'; (Or however long) He will probably just do it himself (if he is like my husband, he will grow impatient and do it himself)


It is rough to be married to a man like that, I know believe me! I also hold my feelings inside...Honestly I feel like I wrote this question! LOL





I guess what we women need to do is to stand up for ourselves and tell our guys that marriage is a partnership and is a two way street.


Explain that we need help too and we expect to be respected.





Good luck sweetie!