How should I deal with my husband's sons.?

My stepsons are 24 and 27 yrs.old. Totally depend on my husband, and of-course their mom had nothing to do with them whatsoever. They are taking turn to move-in with us. The older one is in the process of moving out after about 8 months lived here totally free , now the younger one is ready to move in. I have told my husband that they should of being their own by now. All he said is ';They're my babies.'; How do i deal with this?How should I deal with my husband's sons.?
Address your husband with this one. These may be his babies, but they have to fly out on their own at some point. Personally I would talk to him about living arrangements. They are old enough to pay rent, even if they live at home. That includes charging them for rent, bills and food. Explain to your husband that you love your stepsons but you don't want to enable them for the rest of their lives.How should I deal with my husband's sons.?
You say that the Mother has nothing to do with them, which means all they have is their Dad.


Dad know this and will always have them as his number one priority. You are second. Not what you wanted to hear, but it is the cold truth
You knew your husband's sons before you got married, so now you have to deal with them or leave.
I guess it goes with marrying someone with kids. Its not right but it happens. Yes they should be on their own but it never works out the way you want it to.
I would tell him it's your house too, but probably won't do you any good .. Might take you getting affection from a younger man too wake up your so called husband.
Best thing to do is keep quiet. It'll just cause problems in your marriage. What can you really do? give him an ultimatum. You can gently remind him that this bothers you, but, in the end you'll have to be supportive, although, not willingly.
FaZizzle is right.





Your husband is doing his adult sons a terrible disservice. They will never learn to be responsible or to depend on themselves if Dad's always their crutch, and it's the parents' responsibility to teach their children to be self sufficient. How are these ';babies'; going to survive after Daddy's gone? He's taught them nothing but dependence. Perhaps that's what your husband defines as being loved by them--for them to run to him instead of their mother. Very twisted thinking!





Your husband is possibly acting out of guilt of his earlier failed relationship. Regardless, there are definitely one or more deeper issues that need to be resolved.
What is wrong with his son staying in his home for 8 months? Sounds like he just was getting on his feet, like it has been temporary, they are his kids, that is part of parenting. Times are hard on everyone right now, if you can't look to your parent, who can you look too. He was a parent before he met you.
His comment that they're his babies is true, but they are at the age he should be seeing them as his young men and pushing them in that direction. I agree they should be making it on their own, but at 24 could probably use a leg up so to speak. If it is this one time and this helps them to move out and move on I wouldn't sweat it, but if it is reoccurring thing then something definitely needs to be done about it as he is enabling them.
This is obviously bugging you, which means that no matter what, you need to sit down and talk with your husband about it. Holding it in will only generate anger and resentment. That being said, I understand that sometimes our kids need us even as adults. I know that when I was 26 and pregnant with my first child I had a ton of medical complications and my husband was deployed in the military so I moved back in with my mom. Of course, I also insisted that I pay rent.





If his sons are moving in with him, then they should pay rent and help out around the house. It would help to know more about the circumstances that are bringing his sons back into your home. It's hard to offer advice without knowing why they need to live with you.
Well here is idea why don't you move me in and tell your husband I'm your long lost son you gave up for adoption as a baby, and we will have a affair while he pays the bills.





Just think of all the games you and I your young stud could play while hubby is working.
24 and 27 is old enough to be on their own...but where are they moving FROM???





Tell him to go move with his older brother than you and daddy need some adult time alone... actually, better yet, tell hubby to tell him that... it cannot come from you...





But visit them a lot and bring them food and such so they feel your love not just the pushing them out... and invite them over for say, Sunday dinners so they know you want them around... just not living with you..





perhaps as a way to help them hubby could instead send them to a financial planning class or something so they learn to manage their finances in a way that they can take care of themselves..
i don't know what kind of man doesn't want his sons who are grown men to be independent and living life to the fullest, they're not anyone's babies. you allowed the other other so this one wants to move in now, but i would lay down firm rules--after a few months this one leaves and never ever is any of them moving home again.


your husband is the one who handicapped them. they need to join the military, make their lives count for something.


most of all everyone needs Jesus in that their lives, He has a plan for them, they are in the 'peter pan' syndrome, look it up, men who refuse to give up boyhood. according to GOD YOU COME FIRST, NOT THE ''KIDS''.
You are aware of the whole recession business correct? Why should he not help his sons? His responsibility as a parent does not conveniently stop just because they are over 18.


If it were me and they were my grown children, and my spouse had too much input in how I treated my children (and grandchildren someday) the spouse would be gone.
Dear Lejo,





It is difficult to say to your husband that you are in total disagreement with him on the subject of your stepsons living totally free in the same house as you and your husband are staying in. Lejo, no matter how difficult and heavy for you to say it straight to your husband's face that you cannot accept his stepsons staying totally free in the same house you are staying in, you have to, you must say straight to your husband's face that you do not want them to stay in the same house as you do. You have to hold your ground and say you want both your stepsons out of the house and live on their own. Both of your two stepsons are grown up adults, they should put it in their mind that they should be going out to the world, making their mark and living on their own and not be crapped up under their father's house totally free at their present age. Come on, isn't it long over due for your two step sons to grow up and get their own place to live. Both of them are not kids anymore, both of them are two full grown adults and should be able to get their own place to live by now !. Tell your husband how you really feel inside. Let your husband know that you are not comfortable with the present situation of your two stepsons living totally free in the same house as you do.





The above is one way of looking at it, another way would be to get your two stepsons to move out on their own. This will be tricky as i do not have more information on your two stepsons ( I do not know what they do and their back ground ). One method to do is to get your two stepsons to fall in love with a girl and move out to another place with the girl. You could get your two stepsons introduce to a few girls, make them fall in love with the girls and have them move out to live some where else with the girls. A website that some guys go to have a little bit of fun and something more sometimes is www.craigslist.com. Look at the personal section, women looking for men. You could place an ad on behalf of your two stepsons and have the girls contact them directly.





To a certain extent i feel there is monetary issue involve as to why your two stepsons are not moving out. I feel that both of them, do not make enough money to go it out on their own and have their own place. You could find ways for them to make enough money on their own and move out. Get your stepsons drilled into something they like doing and making money out of it. They could make an internet reality video feed of their lives and get other people hooked on what they are doing as in the movie example I-SEE-YOU.COM . Get them induce into trading online and making money by just sitting on their computer. Look for a video in youtube of a 19 year old boy sitting on his computer online and making money by trading online.





At the end of the day Lejo, it is your life that is being discuss, only you know what you want, only you know what you feel comfortable with. Think it through and make the decision that you feel the most comfortable with and benefits you.





Yours sincerely,





Mystery Correspondent
From a parent's point of view, I can understand that you always feel responsible for your kids, even when they're grown. So I can understand that your husband feels he can't just cut them off and turn his back. Also from a parent's point of view however, I feel that it's a parent's job to make their kids able to live their life independently. So by taking them in, your husband may in fact be enabling whatever the problem is. You should try to steer him into the direction of helping his sons, but helping them in the sense that they can eventually stop depending on him. You don't say why they are forced to play musical front door at your house, so it's hard to give you relevant advice. Do they need to complete their education? Is that why they are not on their own feet yet? Whatever it is, you and your husband need to try and get his sons to address the reasons why they can't live life independently yet - and then do something about those reasons.