Serious advice please on the way forward to go with him......How to deal with a husband who seems to be losing his way?
I totally understand him and what he is going through. As a father and head of the household, he wanted the best for you and his kids. Early in his life, I'm sure he was very motivated in his career and worked towards the American Dream. He worked hard and as the years passed so this all of the opportunities, hopes and dreams.
So, now he is mentually tired and he is trying to deal with the facts that he doesn't have any control of any success in his life. Once he accepts his life for what it is, he will come around. But, that can take 3-6 years or longer. It hard for a LION to accept any longer that he is not a king anymore.
Meanwhile, the worst thing you can do to him is leave. He will surely turn into a crack head and his world will be devastated.
This happens more than often to Black people in America. What you are experiencing is what black people in America have always experience. I've seen the brightest Black minds end up depressed crack addicts. Until you experience such, you'll never know why.
Take this opportunity to understand the american society and the people in it and around you.
As a solution to your problem, there is none other than time to heal. Anti-depressant drugs will not help. It is just a band aid for you the deal with it. It will not solve the problem.How to deal with a husband who seems to be losing his way?
Men are quite unmovable when they are down. He may just be comfortable with how things are now. I would beg him to seek help. Make him see that his way isn't helping him. If he has violent tendencies..you may want to leave him until he straightens himself out. Does he have a close friend? brother, sister?
Bravo for not writing him off! I haven't had this problem you are experiencing, but I would like to add to the think tank. I hope this helps.
First, gather information, preferably DVD's, on cocaine addiction,abuse, and deaths. This will be part of the proof that you are not 'over-reacting' to his little habit. If a whole DVD was dedicated, and staffed to it, it's not a conspiricy.
Second, stage an intervention. Gather friends, family, even co-workers. Get added information how to stage an intervention by contacting your local rehabilitation center, or even the closest city's rehab on information to stage an intervention. Sometimes, the embarrassment alone gets people to clean up their act. Friends and family should be willing to stick to it, keeping him accountable for staying clean, but also providing alternatives to feeling good besides drugs. It can be as simple as giving two-hours a week playing raquet ball or basketball (think endorphine energizing activities)
Third, God bless you and your family. Addiction of any kind is next to impossible to recover from alone. God is always there. Call on him, pray to him...matter of fact, this should have been the first thing on this list. May I suggest ';The Purpose Driven Life'; by Rick Warren. It is a profound informational study into the Bible and YOUR life. This would be an awesome book for you and your husband to read and work together through (excercises on discovering your life's true purpose that will bring you immense personal joy) Remember when you pray, to have complete quiet and no distraction. If you are quiet and listening, you may even be able to hear God telling you something.
What about getting a doctor to come to the house, if he wont go to him. You need to do what's best for all of you and that is to get him some help. If you have a regular doctor then you should call him/her and explain the severe situation. If you don't have a regular doctor you see then there are doctors that make house calls. He will only spiral down into a deeper depression. He needs to be put on medicine, and/or maybe a hospital. Good luck 2 u. I just read another one of your questions and it sais that he stays home with the kids alone while you work. Just my opinion the fact that he does cocaine and if that's not bad enough he is severly depressed I don't think leaving him alone with the kids is a good idea at all. It could be possible that the combination of drugs and depression could make him harm his kids. I would try to find another place for them while you deal with this. And it's summer vacation so it's not like they would miss school. Maybe a family member, or a friend. Try (I know it's hard) to take control of this situation before you find yourself in a place where you WISH you would of taken control.
You have no choice, for your sake and the children. You must force him to get help or you have to use whatever legal intervention may be necessary. His cocaine use is definitely exacerbating his feelings of depression. This is one of the classic symptoms of someone with this addiction. He will not get better with this type of ';self medication'; and, if he continues he presents a clear danger to everyone in his proximity. Please don't wait any longer. He will not beat this addiction by himself. It will ruin you and your family, emotionally and financially if you don't step up and put a stop to it. Best wishes
There are psychiatrists and therapists out there who work strictly with ';dual diagnosis'; patients. This patient is one who has a substance abuse problem as well as mental health illness (s). Perhaps you can find a referral from your general physician.
Good luck and take care of you!
Dee
This sounds like clinical depression for which he should have medications. Nonetheless, I understand it can be very hard for men to admit this or take them. Perhaps you can help identify the source. Your comment that he says ';his soul is tired'; sounds like someone who has not established any particular goals, and thus feels nothing to strive for. A man can spend day after endless day in a job that bores him and does not challenge him. This gets tremendously tiring. Additionally, men identify their self-worth with their job - far moreso than women. If a man does not feel respected in his work, feels unchallenged, and is bored then he will feel mentally exhausted. I speak from personal experience. The cocaine habit is very bad, and he must stop that ASAP. I would suggest talking to him about his job, what excites him, what would make him interested in doing something different. He could go to a local college and get into a new career that he enjoys more. Try that angle. I wish you much luck.
You really need to seek professional help. There is no way you can help him at this point. Please call someone in the yellow pages under substance abuse and seek their assistance. Please hurry before it's too late!
Best wishes to you! I'm so sorry for the pain you are suffering! It will get better, but get some help for him.
whoa honey he is deeply depressed and having a drug problem too no way is the coke doing him any good he has his days and nights mixed up living on a different schedule from the rest of the world he needs a hospital environment to get his attention get him clean and sober and back to reality his problems are deeper than what you are seeing he does not know what he needs and is not capable of telling you-you need to take charge of this situation for your and your childrens sake
No comments:
Post a Comment