Our e-mails aren't secret from each other... we periodically browse each other's inboxes to catch up on messages from family and friends. He doesn't speak too openly with me about her e-mails unless if I bring them up. Today I noticed one that was positively scathing. It was the same line of criticism as usual... she thinks of him as a sell-out for giving up his dirtbag values of sleeping until noon and playing video games all night to have a suit and tie job with a steady income. This time, she actually had the nerve to complain that he had agreed to compromise with me on the topic of having children (he went from a definite no to a maybe when we're both ready). He's growing up, and she's obviously bitter (more)How can I help my husband deal with criticism from a friend?
Personally I would not encourage him to see her or contact her. I just wouldn't. I wouldn't say anything bad but I just wouldn't say anything. If he says I wonder if I should call her? You can say If you want. What do you think? Ask him back Do you think it would help her?
Your husband is a man and men are generally programmed into a protective mode with women. When a woman such as this pathetic helpless creature comes around he sees it as a wounded puppy that needs help. Little realizing the dangerous snake beneath the puppy skin.
I would tell him at an appropriate time, how much you appreciate his getting up putting on an uncomfortable tie and going to work. I would tell him how much you appreciate and love doing the things (whatever you do hiking? movies? dinners? whatever) together because it is so much fun.
Tell him whenever the time is right whenever you both are ready you think he would be the best dad ever. You don't have to let him know that you know about her hateful letter to him but you can show him and tell him how much you love him. Also if you compliment his muscles (whether he has them or not) on how strong they are he will be so pleased. I found out by accident on my husband and he blushed and walked around like a rooster for 2 days. LOLHow can I help my husband deal with criticism from a friend?
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I would ask him about itand possibly ask him to end contact with her all she is doing is trying to come between the two of you ...
This relationship in inappropriate. He is married to you but has a past with her. She knows that he still like her.
They need to break up. She should not be important. You all need to move on.
I would stay out of it unless you see that he is having real issues with it.
If you do bring it up, just make sure you understand that this is not about right/wrong, its more about past values and growing into an adult life and having new values.
You cannot criticize his old values nor his new ones, you can only give him credit for the new life he is taking.
1) Why does he put so much value in her words?
2) Is he genuinely unhappy with the choices he has made?
3) Why doesn;t he just tell her off? (I mean, SHE rejected him, so he owes her nothing)
4) No offense, but why is he being so spineless on this?
there is something more going on that he is not telling you. That hard stone must be found out, for it is damaging your relationship with him
Zone in on her flaws and make her feel about an inch tall.
I would praise him for the progress he has made.
I would not comment on that email. I would simply give him reasons to feel good about what he has done thus far.
I would ask him if he has any friends from work that he would like to hang out with...and prepare a beautiful dinner for them.
I would buy him a beautiful tie....but I would be wearing it while naked when he got home from work.
I would put encouraging love notes in his pockets.
I would make him feel so loved and appreciated that her influence would have little to no impact at all.
Huh??? The real problem is why your husband has such a relationship with another woman? That friendship is totally inapropriate in my opinion
She is not exactly what I would call a true friend; she is a 30-year old student who refuses to grow up. She has slept around and would rather be sleeping til noon and sleeping around with all kinds of men. On top of that she is bitter. Your husband is not only taking way too much of his/your time to even e-mail this woman, he is getting criticized for having a good job and a great wife like you. It is obvious she is bitter because she doesn't have what you both do. She's got major issues. If you really and truly want her out of your/his life, then tell your husband once and for all. She is not a friend; she is just an angry woman who is draining energy and time from you both. Good luck. You deserve better friends!!
Thats hard because of the history. He is looking for approval, and being that she hasn't matured into an adult... he wont get what he needs to hear.
As for you, be supportive and VERY appreciative of him. Explain that you enjoy him, and are very proud of the fact that he is doing what is great for his family. Show him that you think he is doing an amazing job, and you'll see that he'll seek your approval... not hers.
Stay out of it until he seeks your advice.
It's a male ego thing. You don't need to understand it. But, it is for the better.
Good luck.
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