How can I help my Husband deal with hurtful things from his parents?

First off my husband is a very loving husband, and is a wonderful father to our childern (3 of them are step). He is the oldest of three children, has a brother and sister. He only receives phone calls or visits from his parents when they need or want something. He never gets birthday wishes or anything from them, yet for his brother and sister his parents buy them gifts, cakes, and cards.They also receive regular visits and phone calls from the parents.His parents have 6 Grandchildren only 2 of them (which are his sisters girls) are the only ones that seem to matter about anything same with the birthdays, expensive gifts etc. and our kids nothing and we are left to explain that to the kids. My husband gave his Dad a Rifle for Christmas that he really wanted. And now he is trying to sell it for money to support his youngest sons wedding. How can I help him deal with these hurtful acts? He says my parents treat him more like a Son than his own parents do. I know this hurts him deep!HELPHow can I help my Husband deal with hurtful things from his parents?
Hello Deer Hunter,





On the face of it, this sounds really bizarre. Such rude and blatant favoritism is practically a slap in the face. Did they object to something powerful he did in his life? Did he take a trade they didn't approve of? Did they object to his marriage? What could have caused this behavior? Is there any foundation at all for it?





People do have blind spots. Glaring ones, sometimes. What I would do is for both of you to make a trip to see the folks sometime when nothing else is going on... and clear the air. Make a literal list of the things they have done or not done. It isn't the child's list of ';it ain't fair';, it's the adult's list of why are we not honored? Discuss it calmly and objectively and see if you can reach an understanding.





If you can't come to some meeting of the minds or they refuse to acknowledge their blind spots or continue to refuse to be parents/grandparents, then I think you shouldn't have to live with the continuing aggravation of expecting them to be something they're not willing to be. In other words, I would gradually draw away from them but not sever ties. Send Christmas cards and birthday cards, maybe, for you are not descending to their level of behavior, but as for hoping for love, acknowledgement, caring, and so forth... just don't waste your precious life energy any more.





Create more of a relationship with your parents so that your children maintain a good grandparental relationship and so you and your husband can share in the loving benefits of a happy extended family.





Leave the door to his folks open. In time, they may realize their error and make amends. They will have lost the intervening years but I wouldn't feel sorry for them; it was a choice they made.





Hope this helps.


TaraHow can I help my Husband deal with hurtful things from his parents?
Time to make make a clean break from them. Don't acknowledge them at all.