I HATE this man with the fiery passion of a thousands suns. I would gladly load him in a cannon and blast him into orbit. I try not to argue or ***** about him. But now that Im pregnant and hormonal Im having more trouble holding my tongue. Does anyone else have to deal with a friend that you can't stand? How do you do it? Pregnant and angry. How to deal with husbands friend?
Ugh! I know exactly what you mean! I finally just got rid of my boyfriend's friend who was living with us/mooching off of us for everything. I absolutely hated having him in my home but I kept my mouth shut because he was important to my boyfriend. After a while though, I had to say something. Things were getting out of hand. He had been with us a month and STILL didn't even have the smallest incling of a job! Plus, he was a smoker, messy, rude, etc...And it seemed like whenever my boyfriend hung out with him, (which was all the time) he was being influenced by him to be just as messy, rude, and irresponsible. My advice would be to just explain how you feel to your husband. Obviously, I don't know the situation but maybe you two can come to some sort of understanding/compromise. His main concern should be your well-being and comfort at this point. If you are stressed out and upset, it's not good for you or baby. Best of luck and congratulations! I feel your pain!!!Pregnant and angry. How to deal with husbands friend?
my husband only has one friend that i prefer to not have visit, and he rarely does- usually only during special occassions etc. At the moment though, i know how you are feeling, I find it difficult to not snap at people, and i have to catch myself when i realize that i am going around with a scowl on my face, and feeling grumpy.
It's ok to say to someone 'i'm hormonal atm, and am finding it very difficult to be civil to you.' that way you can let them know how you are feeling without doing the snapping thing.
stop answering your phone when he calls and let your husband deal with it when he's home.
Let him know that you do not like the excessive calling in a single day and why he's causing you stress right now. Ask your husband to speak to this ';friend'; about keeping distance from you especially during this time. YOU are the first priority and the baby, not some annoying friend who apparently has no life if he can call someone 12 times in a single day.
Your husband should understand that this guy really upsets you and should keep him away from you especially since you're pregnant you don't need this stress.
Friday, August 20, 2010
How do you get your husband to talk about what he is mad about?
My husband deals with his anger by either exploding or giving me the silent treatment for days. Then he will just resume life as if it never happened? I believe two people can talk through just about anything.....Please help!!! Thank you.How do you get your husband to talk about what he is mad about?
Just sit down with him and calmly ask him what he is upset about. Do not yell or nag at him just be a good listener. When he tells you how he is feeling and why listen and do not argue or fight with him. He also may need some sort of counseling and help to learn how to communicate with you better and you with him.How do you get your husband to talk about what he is mad about?
good luck....it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks
Above all else don't sit down and talk to him during dinner. That's only going to cause him to get mad. Let him enjoy his meal. Let him rest for about an hour after the meal and then perhaps you can talk to him about this issue.
Apparently you are doing something that aggravates him alot, so you best be getting to the bottom of this issue. Another cause may be a lack of intimacy on your part towards him. Could be alot of causes.
i don't know.. i tend to deal with my anger the same way .. although i dont get angry often.. i'd just rather either hold it all in.. and not speak to the person whos made me angry..
i'm not quite sure why.. i just don't like talking.. :)
Your husband has control issues and you need to stop this behavior. The next time he gives you the silent treatment and tries to resume life, tell him you'll talk to him when he's ready to discuss the matter; then give him the silent treatment in return. If he explodes on you, continue the silent treatment until he stops behaving like a spoiled brat and starts acting like an adult.
i wish i knew the answer i have the same problem.
Tell him go ahead and give you the silent treatment, it's not your fault he's not adult enough to handle things like a real man and resorts to immature behavior.
ok i dont usually answer stuff like this but
i have the same problem as he has, here is what happen to me, when i got like that, my wife reminded me she was on my side, no matter what happen she was on my side and asked if i would like to include her in my problem...
took awhile but it worked
Just sit down with him at dinner or somewhere, and ask him.
Cut him off! That always gets the Guys to talkin'!
Just sit down with him and calmly ask him what he is upset about. Do not yell or nag at him just be a good listener. When he tells you how he is feeling and why listen and do not argue or fight with him. He also may need some sort of counseling and help to learn how to communicate with you better and you with him.How do you get your husband to talk about what he is mad about?
good luck....it's hard to teach an old dog new tricks
Above all else don't sit down and talk to him during dinner. That's only going to cause him to get mad. Let him enjoy his meal. Let him rest for about an hour after the meal and then perhaps you can talk to him about this issue.
Apparently you are doing something that aggravates him alot, so you best be getting to the bottom of this issue. Another cause may be a lack of intimacy on your part towards him. Could be alot of causes.
i don't know.. i tend to deal with my anger the same way .. although i dont get angry often.. i'd just rather either hold it all in.. and not speak to the person whos made me angry..
i'm not quite sure why.. i just don't like talking.. :)
Your husband has control issues and you need to stop this behavior. The next time he gives you the silent treatment and tries to resume life, tell him you'll talk to him when he's ready to discuss the matter; then give him the silent treatment in return. If he explodes on you, continue the silent treatment until he stops behaving like a spoiled brat and starts acting like an adult.
i wish i knew the answer i have the same problem.
Tell him go ahead and give you the silent treatment, it's not your fault he's not adult enough to handle things like a real man and resorts to immature behavior.
ok i dont usually answer stuff like this but
i have the same problem as he has, here is what happen to me, when i got like that, my wife reminded me she was on my side, no matter what happen she was on my side and asked if i would like to include her in my problem...
took awhile but it worked
Just sit down with him at dinner or somewhere, and ask him.
Cut him off! That always gets the Guys to talkin'!
How to deal...me and husband had a big fight last week,?
and since then he has been ignoring me and acting like i dont exist...i even apologized my part of what i said and he is still being cold, when he comes home he will ignore me and be all googoo with the bay right in front of me...it feels fake, how can i deal with this?How to deal...me and husband had a big fight last week,?
Patience is a virtue...to a point. Communication is what makes a relationship strong. Whether he likes it or not the two of you will have to face each other and sort this out. Couples don't always have to agree with each other but talking things out, maybe compromise on each others part has to happen to move on.How to deal...me and husband had a big fight last week,?
How far did you take the verbal abuse during this fight. Many women think that they can say all sorts of terrible things to a man, but if they later say ';sorry'; all should be forgotten. If he crossed a line with you, you would giving him the same treatment he is giving you now.
Do you mean baby? I guess I would write him a letter, put it in his lunch bag/briefcase. Express that though you might still disagree, you are willing to compromise to make things less tense for everyone. Hopefully that will work, if not go visiting family For the weekend. That will make him miss you. Best of luck!
Give him space. Tell him you understand he needs his space, but you will need yours too. Tell him you're ready to talk when he is, but in the meantime, you're just gonna have to do your thang.
All couples fight. Your hubby is just being immature about it. If I were you I would stop apologizing and let things settle down on there own. He will come around.thick hair cash
Patience is a virtue...to a point. Communication is what makes a relationship strong. Whether he likes it or not the two of you will have to face each other and sort this out. Couples don't always have to agree with each other but talking things out, maybe compromise on each others part has to happen to move on.How to deal...me and husband had a big fight last week,?
How far did you take the verbal abuse during this fight. Many women think that they can say all sorts of terrible things to a man, but if they later say ';sorry'; all should be forgotten. If he crossed a line with you, you would giving him the same treatment he is giving you now.
Do you mean baby? I guess I would write him a letter, put it in his lunch bag/briefcase. Express that though you might still disagree, you are willing to compromise to make things less tense for everyone. Hopefully that will work, if not go visiting family For the weekend. That will make him miss you. Best of luck!
Give him space. Tell him you understand he needs his space, but you will need yours too. Tell him you're ready to talk when he is, but in the meantime, you're just gonna have to do your thang.
All couples fight. Your hubby is just being immature about it. If I were you I would stop apologizing and let things settle down on there own. He will come around.
Husband moves back in with ex to deal with childs emotional prob?
My soulmate, dearest friend in the world husband just announced to me that he needs to move back in to his ex's home to be with his kids. We have been married 2 years. He has 2 kids - a daughter 15 and son 19. The son is having some emotional difficulties with anger etc...He says he doesn't know how long this will take. His ex-wife and I have discussed the fact she has no feelings for him anymore and the son said he needs his dad there. My husband does not want me to divorce him and wants me to give him time to deal with this and not give up on him. His ex-wife has instructed my husband that he will have to sleep in his son's room also. How long should I let this go on? I just happened today, but husband has dealt with guilt for a while. I feel left out in the cold as this seems like it could take years. My husband still wants to come take care of my household chores but theirs too. We have no kids together but I do. This is weird. He wants to be married to me. Help!!!Husband moves back in with ex to deal with childs emotional prob?
I don't think hes leaving.He could have handled the problem with out moving in.Husband moves back in with ex to deal with childs emotional prob?
Think about this....If he puts the well being of his children ahead of the well being of his marraige, then he should never have left them in the first place.
well he left his wife for you so he may turn it around it may back fire you may wind up hurt his ex wife might been hurt but put up with it for thier kids yeah right hes not sleeping with her just there for his son you better hope thats all
This son of his is manipulating this whole thing. He is 19, legally an adult! If he has ';anger'; issues he needs to get counseling for them. If your husband gives into this now, he will never have a back bone. Yep, they are his kids. But he's your husband! These children aren't little anymore. They are old enough to understand that Dad has a new wife and an new life. Sounds like he is available for the children, but they are demanding more...I would NOT let this happen. I know it's something he has to come to terms with. He would blame you if you tried to stop him, but you should push him towards NOT moving in and arranging some professional counseling for his children and his ex-wife.
sounds pretty far fetched to me.....not sure that this is the best solution for anyone let alone the son who will certainly be getting mixed messages...this is something that should be handled by professionals and I doubt they would agree with this arrangement.....
That's weird. That's shockingly weird. Maybe the son should move in with you guys...if that's not an option, kiss your marriage good bye!
Years!? I dont think I could do that. If it was a shorter time period maybe but thats so long. Why cant the son move in with you or the son in father get a place together. That might make you feel more comfortable with it.
This sounds pretty strange to me. He can help his kids WITHOUT moving back into his ex's house. If his son has anger issues he might not be able to help him anyway. He may need professional help.
Sorry, but either your ';dearest friend'; is lying to you or is less than intelligent. At 19 his son is a grown man. Any issues your husband can help him deal with now do not require that ';daddy'; is there 24/7 holding his hand. Your husband probably feels responsible for the boy's problems, but he is wrecking your life to try to rectify past mistakes. Simply ask him not to do to his current family what he feels guilty about having done to his first family. Do NOT accept this living arrangement, or your marriage is essentially destroyed.
I'm so sorry for this situation which has been forced on you. I believe that a 19 year old's anger issues should be dealt with professionally rather than by amateurs. If his emotional issues are as serious as is being presented to you, putting the father back into the picture is not going to solve the emotional problems but will serve to make them less likely to be resolved.
If the family truly believes that being around his ';missing'; father is the solution, why don't you and your husband let the son move into your home, make him go to school and get a job, so he can learn to be self-sufficient.
p.s., This is such an unusual situation that I think you should question everyone's version of this story. Protect yourself legally by consulting a matrimonial attorney quietly without your husband knowing you are doing so.
it could be solved by moving the kid in with him and you. he wants out. no one could be that dumb.
It's just a lame excuse for him to leave you
Im sorry but i think you need to kiss your marriage good bye and leave and get what is due you and your kids and move on . Your husband is obviosly not man enough to speak up to his ex wife and tell her to blow off cause he was not moving in this is just going to confuse the son and it will never end . the boy will continue to have problems . the ex will always expect the dad to handle them . Just go you cannot win in this one and it is time to move on . Get a divorce lawyer and be done with it .
I don't think hes leaving.He could have handled the problem with out moving in.Husband moves back in with ex to deal with childs emotional prob?
Think about this....If he puts the well being of his children ahead of the well being of his marraige, then he should never have left them in the first place.
well he left his wife for you so he may turn it around it may back fire you may wind up hurt his ex wife might been hurt but put up with it for thier kids yeah right hes not sleeping with her just there for his son you better hope thats all
This son of his is manipulating this whole thing. He is 19, legally an adult! If he has ';anger'; issues he needs to get counseling for them. If your husband gives into this now, he will never have a back bone. Yep, they are his kids. But he's your husband! These children aren't little anymore. They are old enough to understand that Dad has a new wife and an new life. Sounds like he is available for the children, but they are demanding more...I would NOT let this happen. I know it's something he has to come to terms with. He would blame you if you tried to stop him, but you should push him towards NOT moving in and arranging some professional counseling for his children and his ex-wife.
sounds pretty far fetched to me.....not sure that this is the best solution for anyone let alone the son who will certainly be getting mixed messages...this is something that should be handled by professionals and I doubt they would agree with this arrangement.....
That's weird. That's shockingly weird. Maybe the son should move in with you guys...if that's not an option, kiss your marriage good bye!
Years!? I dont think I could do that. If it was a shorter time period maybe but thats so long. Why cant the son move in with you or the son in father get a place together. That might make you feel more comfortable with it.
This sounds pretty strange to me. He can help his kids WITHOUT moving back into his ex's house. If his son has anger issues he might not be able to help him anyway. He may need professional help.
Sorry, but either your ';dearest friend'; is lying to you or is less than intelligent. At 19 his son is a grown man. Any issues your husband can help him deal with now do not require that ';daddy'; is there 24/7 holding his hand. Your husband probably feels responsible for the boy's problems, but he is wrecking your life to try to rectify past mistakes. Simply ask him not to do to his current family what he feels guilty about having done to his first family. Do NOT accept this living arrangement, or your marriage is essentially destroyed.
I'm so sorry for this situation which has been forced on you. I believe that a 19 year old's anger issues should be dealt with professionally rather than by amateurs. If his emotional issues are as serious as is being presented to you, putting the father back into the picture is not going to solve the emotional problems but will serve to make them less likely to be resolved.
If the family truly believes that being around his ';missing'; father is the solution, why don't you and your husband let the son move into your home, make him go to school and get a job, so he can learn to be self-sufficient.
p.s., This is such an unusual situation that I think you should question everyone's version of this story. Protect yourself legally by consulting a matrimonial attorney quietly without your husband knowing you are doing so.
it could be solved by moving the kid in with him and you. he wants out. no one could be that dumb.
It's just a lame excuse for him to leave you
Im sorry but i think you need to kiss your marriage good bye and leave and get what is due you and your kids and move on . Your husband is obviosly not man enough to speak up to his ex wife and tell her to blow off cause he was not moving in this is just going to confuse the son and it will never end . the boy will continue to have problems . the ex will always expect the dad to handle them . Just go you cannot win in this one and it is time to move on . Get a divorce lawyer and be done with it .
How do u deal with a husband who is verbally abusive to you and hates your family for whatever reason?
This may be a weird question, yet would like to know methods of approach other than divorce. Thank youHow do u deal with a husband who is verbally abusive to you and hates your family for whatever reason?
Don't know that there is any other solution but divorce.... unless you stay and take it....
Marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust. He doesn't respect you (or your family), certainly he as no admiration for you, (or them) if he is verbally abusive, the sex has gotta be teriffic if you're still there, but do you much trust him???? If all you have is sex, all you have is a live in boinking buddy, and quite frankly, don't think that is much..... you can find that anywhere.
Marriage takes work, compassion, caring, giving, time together, kind words, solving problems without rage and without trouncing on the others' ego.
Do you have any of these?
It involves spending time together, and sharing experiences --- plays, symphony, concerts, times in the park, at the zoo, on vacation, or without the kids in front of a fireplace...
Do you have any of these?
It involves agreement on how extra time and money is spent, and creating a loving environment for children, should you wish to have them.... and that is a choice made together with great consideration, since each kid will cost you $250,000 to rear it to age 20, with no guarantees that your efforts will yield a kid who will even like you.
Right now, it appears you don't have much to loose by going to a few sessions of counseling to see if you even have anything besides a financial arrangement worth saving. Life sure as hell is too short to spend it trying to bail out more water than you are taking on.......How do u deal with a husband who is verbally abusive to you and hates your family for whatever reason?
Sorry to say, but there are no other methods. If he loved and cared for you enough he would never abuse you [verbally or physically] or disrespect your family. My father was abusive. Especially if you have children, don't let them go through the pain of dealing with your relationship problems.
I would let him know that you deserve to be treated better than that and will not tolerate it. Seek counseling , if he will not go than your only alternative is divorce. Either that or have him go to the Maury Povich show and have the black guy yell at him. He has a lot of sucess with abusive husbands. Good luck.
I think you have to decide for yourself how much longer you will accept this type of treatment from your husband. I mean, there are a lot of men that don't like their in-laws, but for him to be verbally abusive to you would be the bigger issue if I were you. I did the whole abusive relationship for 9 years and all it got me was a bunch of bumps, bruises and absolutely NO self esteem.
If you are able to talk to your husband about the issue try approaching him and let him know that that type of treatment isn't respectful and will not be tolerated any more.
Good Luck.
You can try and discuss the issues with him. If that does not work, try counseling or talking to a trusted friend or priest. Maybe he does not see the things that he does hurt you because it was what he saw when he was growing up.
Divorce
He sounds like a very angry person. What is he angry about? He is verbally abusive to you ..constantly? You need to point it out to him when he speaks nicely to you as an adult not a petulant child lashing out, that you appreciate the positive contact.
I suggest (if separation and divorce aren't to your liking) that you seek out a counselor to help you both deal with your communication skills.
Anger management skills may help him deal with why he hates your family and why he lashes out at you. Relationships are 150% from both sides.. if you find you are always giving in to him and apologizing.. there are serious issues of manipulation going on here... Is he hateful to your family because when you are with them you come back stronger?
DO NOT put up with ANY physical abuse! LEAVE IMMEDIATELY if this happens.. don't brush it away...or excuse it.
Best of Luck.
im sorry but divorce is the only approach that i see for you...
U dont. There is no reason for anyone to abuse the other. Verbally of physically.
You'd rather stay in an unhappy marriage, than get divorced. It's your decision. If he is abusive and hates your family, what hope do you have?
Separation, or Divorce,sorry
I really feel for you.but you need to tell him EXACTLY how you feel. That you are not happy ,feel left out of the marriage,hurt when he calls you names,ext......It sounds like you need to get some counseling,because his verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse
Don't know that there is any other solution but divorce.... unless you stay and take it....
Marriage is respect, admiration, passion and trust. He doesn't respect you (or your family), certainly he as no admiration for you, (or them) if he is verbally abusive, the sex has gotta be teriffic if you're still there, but do you much trust him???? If all you have is sex, all you have is a live in boinking buddy, and quite frankly, don't think that is much..... you can find that anywhere.
Marriage takes work, compassion, caring, giving, time together, kind words, solving problems without rage and without trouncing on the others' ego.
Do you have any of these?
It involves spending time together, and sharing experiences --- plays, symphony, concerts, times in the park, at the zoo, on vacation, or without the kids in front of a fireplace...
Do you have any of these?
It involves agreement on how extra time and money is spent, and creating a loving environment for children, should you wish to have them.... and that is a choice made together with great consideration, since each kid will cost you $250,000 to rear it to age 20, with no guarantees that your efforts will yield a kid who will even like you.
Right now, it appears you don't have much to loose by going to a few sessions of counseling to see if you even have anything besides a financial arrangement worth saving. Life sure as hell is too short to spend it trying to bail out more water than you are taking on.......How do u deal with a husband who is verbally abusive to you and hates your family for whatever reason?
Sorry to say, but there are no other methods. If he loved and cared for you enough he would never abuse you [verbally or physically] or disrespect your family. My father was abusive. Especially if you have children, don't let them go through the pain of dealing with your relationship problems.
I would let him know that you deserve to be treated better than that and will not tolerate it. Seek counseling , if he will not go than your only alternative is divorce. Either that or have him go to the Maury Povich show and have the black guy yell at him. He has a lot of sucess with abusive husbands. Good luck.
I think you have to decide for yourself how much longer you will accept this type of treatment from your husband. I mean, there are a lot of men that don't like their in-laws, but for him to be verbally abusive to you would be the bigger issue if I were you. I did the whole abusive relationship for 9 years and all it got me was a bunch of bumps, bruises and absolutely NO self esteem.
If you are able to talk to your husband about the issue try approaching him and let him know that that type of treatment isn't respectful and will not be tolerated any more.
Good Luck.
You can try and discuss the issues with him. If that does not work, try counseling or talking to a trusted friend or priest. Maybe he does not see the things that he does hurt you because it was what he saw when he was growing up.
Divorce
He sounds like a very angry person. What is he angry about? He is verbally abusive to you ..constantly? You need to point it out to him when he speaks nicely to you as an adult not a petulant child lashing out, that you appreciate the positive contact.
I suggest (if separation and divorce aren't to your liking) that you seek out a counselor to help you both deal with your communication skills.
Anger management skills may help him deal with why he hates your family and why he lashes out at you. Relationships are 150% from both sides.. if you find you are always giving in to him and apologizing.. there are serious issues of manipulation going on here... Is he hateful to your family because when you are with them you come back stronger?
DO NOT put up with ANY physical abuse! LEAVE IMMEDIATELY if this happens.. don't brush it away...or excuse it.
Best of Luck.
im sorry but divorce is the only approach that i see for you...
U dont. There is no reason for anyone to abuse the other. Verbally of physically.
You'd rather stay in an unhappy marriage, than get divorced. It's your decision. If he is abusive and hates your family, what hope do you have?
Separation, or Divorce,sorry
I really feel for you.but you need to tell him EXACTLY how you feel. That you are not happy ,feel left out of the marriage,hurt when he calls you names,ext......It sounds like you need to get some counseling,because his verbal abuse can lead to physical abuse
How to stop being emotional when dealing with husband?
My husband had an affair and we decided to separate. We have been working on our marriage and we both do try. The only problem is, that when he is around, all I want to do is talk to him about our relationship, what he wants and how we both feel. It is hard to enjoy time with him.
There are days that he says hurtful things to me and I don't know how to deal with him. I end up acting like an inmature girl and either walk out, or kick him out. I tell him that I don't want to be with him any more, when the reality is I do.
I don't know how to be more secure and not have to ask him for little reassurances all the time. For instance, asking when I will see him again, when he will call or come over, etc. How can I stop being so clingy and inmature?How to stop being emotional when dealing with husband?
He cheated on his own wife, the worse thing he could do to you, when he commited that act. You could have been the most beautiful, the most kind or the nicest woman in this world, and it would still cut right through your heart and reduce you to a sniveling insecure girl. Who now believes SHE did something wrong. Get off your knees, you deserve better.
He has you right where he wants you, while he is having a ball.
If he was truely sorry he would be humble and with you right now, with you in his arms, showering you with love and affection.
Love is a choice and he has made the choice not to love you, there are very good men out there with integrity, he is not one of them.
Get over this person or you will grow old prematurely and lose your looks, your personality and your self-respect..How to stop being emotional when dealing with husband?
Do you not love yourself enough? No matter what it takes you leave a man who cheats because he has made a committment to you and had sex with another woman. Unforgiveable and no excuse can justify this. Grow up and be the strong woman you see in the mirror and does not deserve to be treated this way.
Why shouldn't you be emotional about the situation. You have the RIGHT to not trust him, to ask him where he's going, what he's doing, when you are going to see him again. HE is the one that broke your bond of trust, he is the one that should be trying to make it up to you instead of you worrying about how he feels about the way you are acting.
The only way to repair this tear that HE has caused in your relationship is talk about it. Talk about it often, honestly and openly. If he doesn't value you enough to know how very deeply he hurt you. Doesn't love you enough to understand that the two of you need to work it through then I think you need to try and get on with your life.
It will take a very long time for you to get over such a large betrayal, believe me, I speak from experience. It's been 6 years since my husband cheated and there are still times when I question whether or not I trust him....
Listen Hun...you have the right to act the way you are, you have the right to be hurt, mad, freaked out, depressed and all ';immature and clingy';. If he loves you and honestly wants to repair the damage he has done then he would eat nails to prove you can trust him again.
You are not doing anything wrong. It is because you have been hurt so much it has made you so weak and you can't fight the urge to go off. It is not worth you going through this. Look at yourself in the mirror and let yourself know it is really over. he has not learned to except responsibility for what he has done or he would 'nt keep causing you to feel this way. Only you can stop the hurt. You are the only one letting him hurt you now. Walk away and breath awhile start over without him. You will never be happy knowing your trust has been betrayed.
first you have to get all of your feelings out. write him a letter and tell him what he did hurt you in so many ways. then tell him you forgive him and some rules have to be enforced when you meet. like no talking about what happened. no harrassing the other person on where you are where you've been blah blah blah.
why don't you go on a trip and promise to not bring up any of the past while you enjoy his company. couples have to constantly work at the relationship and I'm glad that you're working it out. things will get better. ask for God;s help.
Fact of life girl - 99.999% of all men and women that have an affair while married are prone to repeat the offense again! If they didn't love you enough to stay faithful to you, why would you think that magically they will never do it again? Did you turn into a witch and cast a spell on him to stay faithful? Did God reach down and with divine healing make him into a good and decent man that will forever walk the staright and narrow? Just because you love someone it doesn't mean that they will change for you. They must respect you to love you and quite frankly I can't see that he has shown you proper love or respect. Gain some self respect and leave this loser while you still have any pride left.
He needs to realize that it is a normal reaction to what has happened. Your not the only one who has to work on it, he does too. He basically insults you because it's hard for him to deal with what he does so he is downplaying it in his mind. He is your husband and you have every right to ask him when you will see him. He thinks just being there is enough. Finding out about an affair is traumatic and everyone responds a different way. Society loves to shift the blame on the women... if he had a problem with you or the way you acted he should've have been a responsible man and leave! Once again I recommend this book... helped me a lot!!
http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-R鈥?/a>
Good luck!
If you need someone to talk to send me a message.
Its not gonna work in the long run. Get what you need from him but alow yourself some space. If you dont get away than you never will leave. Leave the past in the past but you dont have ot be alone. He still love you but it just not gonna work. Start a little at a time getting away from him and meeting new people. it isnt gonna be easy but you need to have your own life
He had an affair and it seems that you are the 1 doing all the work to make it work. Get marriage counseling and if he won't do that then get help for you so that you will meet a guy that will not cheat and treat you the way you should be treated and loved.
At least you see the issues here and that in itself will help you ivercome the problems. First you may consider giving the guy AND yourself credit for trying to patch things up.
When your together why not talk about more light issues rather than serious dry ones. Talk about the future of your mutual interests outside of your relationship...do things together that are lighter and more fun....then I believe things will tend to mend easier and you AND he will have more faith and trust in yourselves and your relationship.
It's these characteristics (controlling, insecure, needy) that drove him to cheat in the first place. It's really your fault he cheated, you should have been more psychologically mature.
There are days that he says hurtful things to me and I don't know how to deal with him. I end up acting like an inmature girl and either walk out, or kick him out. I tell him that I don't want to be with him any more, when the reality is I do.
I don't know how to be more secure and not have to ask him for little reassurances all the time. For instance, asking when I will see him again, when he will call or come over, etc. How can I stop being so clingy and inmature?How to stop being emotional when dealing with husband?
He cheated on his own wife, the worse thing he could do to you, when he commited that act. You could have been the most beautiful, the most kind or the nicest woman in this world, and it would still cut right through your heart and reduce you to a sniveling insecure girl. Who now believes SHE did something wrong. Get off your knees, you deserve better.
He has you right where he wants you, while he is having a ball.
If he was truely sorry he would be humble and with you right now, with you in his arms, showering you with love and affection.
Love is a choice and he has made the choice not to love you, there are very good men out there with integrity, he is not one of them.
Get over this person or you will grow old prematurely and lose your looks, your personality and your self-respect..How to stop being emotional when dealing with husband?
Do you not love yourself enough? No matter what it takes you leave a man who cheats because he has made a committment to you and had sex with another woman. Unforgiveable and no excuse can justify this. Grow up and be the strong woman you see in the mirror and does not deserve to be treated this way.
Why shouldn't you be emotional about the situation. You have the RIGHT to not trust him, to ask him where he's going, what he's doing, when you are going to see him again. HE is the one that broke your bond of trust, he is the one that should be trying to make it up to you instead of you worrying about how he feels about the way you are acting.
The only way to repair this tear that HE has caused in your relationship is talk about it. Talk about it often, honestly and openly. If he doesn't value you enough to know how very deeply he hurt you. Doesn't love you enough to understand that the two of you need to work it through then I think you need to try and get on with your life.
It will take a very long time for you to get over such a large betrayal, believe me, I speak from experience. It's been 6 years since my husband cheated and there are still times when I question whether or not I trust him....
Listen Hun...you have the right to act the way you are, you have the right to be hurt, mad, freaked out, depressed and all ';immature and clingy';. If he loves you and honestly wants to repair the damage he has done then he would eat nails to prove you can trust him again.
You are not doing anything wrong. It is because you have been hurt so much it has made you so weak and you can't fight the urge to go off. It is not worth you going through this. Look at yourself in the mirror and let yourself know it is really over. he has not learned to except responsibility for what he has done or he would 'nt keep causing you to feel this way. Only you can stop the hurt. You are the only one letting him hurt you now. Walk away and breath awhile start over without him. You will never be happy knowing your trust has been betrayed.
first you have to get all of your feelings out. write him a letter and tell him what he did hurt you in so many ways. then tell him you forgive him and some rules have to be enforced when you meet. like no talking about what happened. no harrassing the other person on where you are where you've been blah blah blah.
why don't you go on a trip and promise to not bring up any of the past while you enjoy his company. couples have to constantly work at the relationship and I'm glad that you're working it out. things will get better. ask for God;s help.
Fact of life girl - 99.999% of all men and women that have an affair while married are prone to repeat the offense again! If they didn't love you enough to stay faithful to you, why would you think that magically they will never do it again? Did you turn into a witch and cast a spell on him to stay faithful? Did God reach down and with divine healing make him into a good and decent man that will forever walk the staright and narrow? Just because you love someone it doesn't mean that they will change for you. They must respect you to love you and quite frankly I can't see that he has shown you proper love or respect. Gain some self respect and leave this loser while you still have any pride left.
He needs to realize that it is a normal reaction to what has happened. Your not the only one who has to work on it, he does too. He basically insults you because it's hard for him to deal with what he does so he is downplaying it in his mind. He is your husband and you have every right to ask him when you will see him. He thinks just being there is enough. Finding out about an affair is traumatic and everyone responds a different way. Society loves to shift the blame on the women... if he had a problem with you or the way you acted he should've have been a responsible man and leave! Once again I recommend this book... helped me a lot!!
http://www.amazon.com/Not-Just-Friends-R鈥?/a>
Good luck!
If you need someone to talk to send me a message.
Its not gonna work in the long run. Get what you need from him but alow yourself some space. If you dont get away than you never will leave. Leave the past in the past but you dont have ot be alone. He still love you but it just not gonna work. Start a little at a time getting away from him and meeting new people. it isnt gonna be easy but you need to have your own life
He had an affair and it seems that you are the 1 doing all the work to make it work. Get marriage counseling and if he won't do that then get help for you so that you will meet a guy that will not cheat and treat you the way you should be treated and loved.
At least you see the issues here and that in itself will help you ivercome the problems. First you may consider giving the guy AND yourself credit for trying to patch things up.
When your together why not talk about more light issues rather than serious dry ones. Talk about the future of your mutual interests outside of your relationship...do things together that are lighter and more fun....then I believe things will tend to mend easier and you AND he will have more faith and trust in yourselves and your relationship.
It's these characteristics (controlling, insecure, needy) that drove him to cheat in the first place. It's really your fault he cheated, you should have been more psychologically mature.
How should I deal with my husband who has a driver personality. He likes to control me?
I have read that such men need to be handled indirectly rather than the direct, open and honest way. How can one be indirect. If its something he does thats annoying or unacceptable, rather than blurting it out, what and how should I bring it up to make him see sense.How should I deal with my husband who has a driver personality. He likes to control me?
If he's your husband, than it is your duty as his wife to be honest with him about things. You must deal directly, otherwise, it could be toxic to your marriage. He may be a little controlling, but that doesn't mean you can't be honest with him about things and your feelings. As long as you discuss things with him, you will be fine. I would maybe sit down with him and discuss how he would be most comfortable with you handling situations like that. Good luck!How should I deal with my husband who has a driver personality. He likes to control me?
Don't always go where he leads. Start doing somethings you want to do. He is trying to control you and you are letting him. Unless he is abusive I would just start doing what I thought worked for me. Do not be malicious and do things just to upset him. He will be upset enough when he doesn't get his way but if you are doing things that you feel are right for you then at least you can tell him why when he asks. Remember he doesn't have to agree with you but you also don't have to agree with him.
Punch him in the neck!
First, let me ask if he was always like this? If he wasn't then sit down either with or without him and figure out what has changed, when it started to change, what happened to cause a change, and most important how are you going to get back to when he wasn't so driving. My personal suggestion would be to talk to your local pastor. On the other hand if he was like that when you met him, then one would assume that you prefer that type of treatment and you for one definitely need counseling. Here is still a good place to start is your local pastor or at least a christian lady friend that you have a lot of confidence in. Best of luck and I will pray for peace in your family. God bless you.
My X wife was like that she had to be in control and feel powerful. I did not really care so it did not bother me most of the time. I had a great business going and when she got to be too much I would go into the office to work. I just let my wife think she was the boss.
There are ways to be in control without acting like it. If his need for control is bothering you then you need to fix it. I suggest you read books on psychology and how to control a situation without being confrontational. If it is too bad or if you cannot figure it out through self study seek a counselor and go even if you do it alone for more professional advice.
Well if he insists on you doing something a certian way do it your way instead and then show him how it was better. That is indirect. A lot of times with a driver you just have to go with him and try and stay out of his way.
laeve him ten times if he doesn't change then leave him for good i was like that too but my wife kept leavin me because of that and i loved her so i changed and now she's the man lol jk
a controling relationship is an abusive relationship
never marry a controling person
Could you add on and give an example? Being in a controlling relationship will not work unless you want to be his child and not his wife.
Trying to control your spouse is bs. Kick the bum to the curb and find a mate that want to be in a 50-50 relationship. Best of luck to you.
you need to sit him down and tell him that u are worried about the way he is treating u and let him no u want him to stop.
u need to feel special and if he dont make u fee that way then u need to tell him that be straight with him. that is the only way to be
Be a good wife and say ';yes dear';. than do whatever you want.
You've got to learn how to set boundaries with this man, or he could make your life absolutely more miserable than you could imagine. Boundaries is a word they use in counseling. You can learn to set boundaries that work either by going to a counselor and letting him or her tutor you, or you could try reading books on the subject and then go to counseling if you need more teaching than that. It's not very complicated, but it can be difficult to set boundaries in a relationship, and you need someone in your life who will support you while you set these boundaries, someone you can trust to be wise, and on your side. Do you have a good female friend, or a wise aunt, or an older female mentor of any kind? You're going to need one, and you'll have to have a counselor if you don't have a female support person already. The state Mental Health agency can sometimes provide counseling for free, or provide good references.
A controlling husband is an abusing husband. It may not be as bad as the abuse that you see on tv, but you need to nip it in the bud or it can get that bad.
I know what I'm talkin' about, honey. Been there and done that.
record his flaws and replay them back for him at a good time,that will cure him!
p.s.you can also get a doberman!!
Two choices. A) Let him control you or B) RUN AWAY
You're not a car...each person in a marriage controls himself or herself....it's called being an adult in an adult relationship. Get your husband some counseling he's not a boy anymore.
If he wants to be the driver, then unless you want to be the steering wheel, take away his gas tank. If you know what I'm saying.
give him a dose of his own medicine so then he will know what it's like to be treated like that
counselling...?
ignore him and make him sleep in the backyard
If he's your husband, than it is your duty as his wife to be honest with him about things. You must deal directly, otherwise, it could be toxic to your marriage. He may be a little controlling, but that doesn't mean you can't be honest with him about things and your feelings. As long as you discuss things with him, you will be fine. I would maybe sit down with him and discuss how he would be most comfortable with you handling situations like that. Good luck!How should I deal with my husband who has a driver personality. He likes to control me?
Don't always go where he leads. Start doing somethings you want to do. He is trying to control you and you are letting him. Unless he is abusive I would just start doing what I thought worked for me. Do not be malicious and do things just to upset him. He will be upset enough when he doesn't get his way but if you are doing things that you feel are right for you then at least you can tell him why when he asks. Remember he doesn't have to agree with you but you also don't have to agree with him.
Punch him in the neck!
First, let me ask if he was always like this? If he wasn't then sit down either with or without him and figure out what has changed, when it started to change, what happened to cause a change, and most important how are you going to get back to when he wasn't so driving. My personal suggestion would be to talk to your local pastor. On the other hand if he was like that when you met him, then one would assume that you prefer that type of treatment and you for one definitely need counseling. Here is still a good place to start is your local pastor or at least a christian lady friend that you have a lot of confidence in. Best of luck and I will pray for peace in your family. God bless you.
My X wife was like that she had to be in control and feel powerful. I did not really care so it did not bother me most of the time. I had a great business going and when she got to be too much I would go into the office to work. I just let my wife think she was the boss.
There are ways to be in control without acting like it. If his need for control is bothering you then you need to fix it. I suggest you read books on psychology and how to control a situation without being confrontational. If it is too bad or if you cannot figure it out through self study seek a counselor and go even if you do it alone for more professional advice.
Well if he insists on you doing something a certian way do it your way instead and then show him how it was better. That is indirect. A lot of times with a driver you just have to go with him and try and stay out of his way.
laeve him ten times if he doesn't change then leave him for good i was like that too but my wife kept leavin me because of that and i loved her so i changed and now she's the man lol jk
a controling relationship is an abusive relationship
never marry a controling person
Could you add on and give an example? Being in a controlling relationship will not work unless you want to be his child and not his wife.
Trying to control your spouse is bs. Kick the bum to the curb and find a mate that want to be in a 50-50 relationship. Best of luck to you.
you need to sit him down and tell him that u are worried about the way he is treating u and let him no u want him to stop.
u need to feel special and if he dont make u fee that way then u need to tell him that be straight with him. that is the only way to be
Be a good wife and say ';yes dear';. than do whatever you want.
You've got to learn how to set boundaries with this man, or he could make your life absolutely more miserable than you could imagine. Boundaries is a word they use in counseling. You can learn to set boundaries that work either by going to a counselor and letting him or her tutor you, or you could try reading books on the subject and then go to counseling if you need more teaching than that. It's not very complicated, but it can be difficult to set boundaries in a relationship, and you need someone in your life who will support you while you set these boundaries, someone you can trust to be wise, and on your side. Do you have a good female friend, or a wise aunt, or an older female mentor of any kind? You're going to need one, and you'll have to have a counselor if you don't have a female support person already. The state Mental Health agency can sometimes provide counseling for free, or provide good references.
A controlling husband is an abusing husband. It may not be as bad as the abuse that you see on tv, but you need to nip it in the bud or it can get that bad.
I know what I'm talkin' about, honey. Been there and done that.
record his flaws and replay them back for him at a good time,that will cure him!
p.s.you can also get a doberman!!
Two choices. A) Let him control you or B) RUN AWAY
You're not a car...each person in a marriage controls himself or herself....it's called being an adult in an adult relationship. Get your husband some counseling he's not a boy anymore.
If he wants to be the driver, then unless you want to be the steering wheel, take away his gas tank. If you know what I'm saying.
give him a dose of his own medicine so then he will know what it's like to be treated like that
counselling...?
ignore him and make him sleep in the backyard
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